Archive for the ‘dementia’ Category

It’s Been a Tough Few Days

Posted: May 12, 2013 in Bellshill, bereavement, church, death, dementia, family, friendship, Health, heart, life, love, music, prayer, religion, Salvation Army, stroke, words
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As the title of this post suggests, it’s been another difficult few days for me.

It all started on Thursday with my Mum going into hospital for an exploratory procedure. But I’m pleased to say, all turned out to be fine, with no problems found.

Then on Thursday night I went to my first band practice for a while, at Bellshill Salvation Army. I was quite stressed about going back to the band, not because I thought the folks there wouldn’t welcome me back or be supportive, but simply because I am still struggling emotionally following the death of my Dad and my Aunt Mae earlier this year.

Dad at our weddingMusic has always been a huge part of my life, with music always been played in the house from as early as I can remember. Dad was always composing and arranging music (or “decomposing” music as he used to say!), and sitting at the piano trying out various bits and pieces of his compositions. I remember even when I was very young, I always climbed up onto my Dad’s knee at the piano to “help” him. So much so that when I was 6 I started piano lessons, despite the piano teacher not normally taking pupils until they were at least 7, but as I was extra keen an exception was made.

Then a few years later I was given a trombone by our YP band leader (at Rutherglen Salvation Army), and after being shown how to hold it and blow into and the 7 slide positions, I was off and running with my trombone. Needless to say I had a lot of questions, and Dad was there to help from that day on until his dementia meant he was unable to, as he was a trombone player of well renown in the jazz and big band scene in the west of Scotland.

So taking all that into account, band practices, and trombone playing as such a huge reminder of me of my Dad, as he was always there to help when I was looking to some alternative slide positions for some bit of music, or helping choosing a new mouthpiece etc…

I coped not to badly at the band practice until we went to practice Guardian of My Soul, and the words of the last section of this were read out…

O Jesus I have promised
To serve thee to the end…

Aunt MaeThese words, although not necessarily favourite words of my Aunt Mae, they were words which reminded me so much of her, as she was a lifelong Salvationist, and even in her final days when her dementia meant she wasn’t the person we knew and loved, she still always talked about the Army and how she’d held various positions for many years – even the nurses and carers at her nursing home talked about how she was always telling them about the Salvation Army!. She truly did serve God, her Saviour, all her days.

So when we started to play that piece of music, my emotions got the better of me and my tears streamed down my face…I was just glad everyone was playing as I really didn’t want anyone to notice how upset I was. Crying in public is one of my worst nightmares, and it was no different that night!

So onto today, Sunday, my first meeting at Bellshill for a while, and again I was stressed, as I knew the band were playing Guardian of My Soul and I knew how that had affected me on Thursday, and there would be even more folk there to witness me getting upset, if it were to happen again…

musicYes, the music got to me again, as Guardian of My Soul got my tears flowing again, however this time I just tried to play through it (not sure how successful that decision was though!).

But even before we got to the band piece, my tears had started, as the YP Band played I’m In His Hands, and the words associated with this song, touched me just as they do every time I hear them, but they were the reminder I needed that whatever the future holds, I am in His hands.

Even one of the congregational songs from this morning got me, as it reminded me of the band’s Easter Tour of 2003, as just after we returned from this tour I took unwell, and although I’m much improved now, my health continues to cause me some problems. Before we left for our tour we joined in singing, Lord If Your Presence , and again this morning as we sang these words in the knowledge that for the next 9 months, Bellshill Salvation Army will be without a home of their own, as we will be worshipping in the Bellshill Cultural Centre while our halls are refurbished and a new worship hall built.

Even as we played the final march in our hall, Celebration, I was reminded of Dad again as I remember asking him about one of the parts in this piece when I was playing a different part than I was today.

Many thanks to all who offered words of support to me both on Thursday night at band practice and also this morning either before or after our morning service, I really have appreciated the love and support shown to me (and my family) during what has been a particularly difficult time for us.

In conclusion, I’d just like to share with you the words of the song I mentioned earlier

I’m in his hands, I’m in His hands;
Whate’er the future holds
I’m in His hands.
The days I cannot see
Have all been planned for me;
His way is best, you see;
I’m in His hands

 

Managing Grief #6

Posted: May 9, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, death, dementia, family, friendship, holiday, life, love
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It’s been a few weeks since I posted anything in my “Managing Grief” series, but it’s not because there was nothing more to suggest, simply I couldn’t write the words down. As many of you will know, there have been two bereavements in my own family in the last couple of months (my Dad and my aunt), and I think it’s only been in the last few weeks that I’ve begun to truly grieve for them.

Anyway, onto today’s thoughts on how to manage your grief…

Be realistic in your expectations.

In Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies by Marta Felber, Marta writes the following:

My loved one died on January 25. Almost immediately, I began to dread the next Christmas without him, exactly 11 months away!

The way in which she coped with her anxiety about the coming Christmas was to plan carefully and keep her expectations realistic:

“Try to have reasonable expectations. There are important ways in which celebrations will not, and cannot, ever be the same again. So it is okay to plan for them to be different. Be realistic about what you can handle, both physically and emotionally. Be kind to yourself and nurturing.”

Elderly woman sitting in an armchairI can truly relate to those sentiments, as my Dad died on 21st February this year, and just a couple of weeks ago, on the 25th April, we had to cope with my Dad’s first birthday since he passed away. It was awful knowing that for the first time in my life we didn’t have to wonder what to buy Dad for his birthday, but, more importantly, we wouldn’t even be celebrating the day with Dad anymore. The 25th April was a working day for me, and I can truthful tell you that I don’t know how I got through that day at work in one piece as my heart was most definitely with Dad.
I can only imagine how hard it was for Mum. However to make sure Mum wasn’t on her own all day, feeling sorry for herself and getting upset as Dad was no longer here, we took her out at night for a meal…not to celebrate Dad’s birthday but just to remember Dad on what would have been his special day. It turned out though that Mum had actually been out most of the day, as in the afternoon, she apparently went down to the nursing home Dad had been in (and died in), and spent time there with the nurses who had cared for, and looked after Dad so well during his time there.
We got through the first of our significant days since our two bereavements by setting realistic expectations, so I know it will work, so please try this for yourself.

A Missing Celebration

Posted: April 25, 2013 in bereavement, children, death, dementia, family, friendship, Health, life, love, pray, prayer, words
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Today, the 25th April is another sad day for us, as today would have been my Dad’s 86th birthday.

Dad at our weddingIt’s now just over 2 months since my Dad passed away, but just typing these words have started my tears flowing again. It really doesn’t seem like 2 months since Dad died, mind you a lot of that has to do with the fact in that interim time as many of you know, my Mum’s older sister, my Aunt Mae, also passed away. My Aunt Mae’s funeral was just over 2 weeks ago, so I’ve found that since then, I’ve finally been able to grieve for my Dad, as up until then I never really got a chance to grieve because my Aunt Mae was so ill.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not mean I am not grieving for my Aunt Mae as well as my Dad, as I most definitely am, but as you can probably understand, I am really missing my Dad.

I have thought of my Dad every day since he died.

I have shed many tears every day since Dad died.

I have missed my Dad every day since he died.

Yes, Dad’s illness in his final few years meant he was never really the Dad I knew and loved during, but even in those days when his vascular dementia meant he rarely knew us, or had any kind of conversation with us, there was still the odd time when he’d look at me and say, “Hello my lovely young lady” – something he often called me for many years. The days he said that to me became fewer and further apart, but when he did day them, they always brought tears to my eyes…and they most certainly have again tonight as I typed this post. The sad thing is no sooner would he uttered those words than he would become that vacant vessel again which didn’t understand what was going on around him, who was with him or indeed understand that he knew us.

These have been incredibly difficult months for my family, and my Mum in particular – Mum’s struggling to come to terms with the death of my Dad and Aunt Mae over these last couple of months. Therefore I’d ask today, as we remember my Dad on what would have been his birthday, that you continue to pray for us as we continue to grieve the death of two much-loved members of our family.

I love you Dad, and I miss you so much. You’ll always be in my thoughts and firmly in my heart. Dorothy xxx

If it wasn’t for my faith…

Posted: April 14, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, death, dementia, family, finance, friendship, Health, heaven, hospital, life, love, music, pray, religion, stroke
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Have you ever wondered how your life would have turned out and how you would have coped with life , if you hadn’t accepted Christ as your saviour?

I have, particularly in these last few weeks as we’ve had to cope with the death of first my Dad and then my Aunt Mae.faith

Just after my Dad passed away, someone said to me that, “There are only two certainties on life, one that you have been born, and secondly, that you will die” – Despite this, we all find the death of a loved one very upsetting and difficult to cope with.

It’s therefore no surprise to me that during these difficult and stressful weeks, I’ve relied heavily on God to keep me strong for my Mum and focused enough make all the required arrangements etc. So much so, I actually feel as if I’ve been running on auto-pilot for weeks now, as every day seems to have been a bit of a blur and I’m not sure I can actually tell you what I did on any particular day since the middle of February!

That said, I’m not sure I would have been able to get through these weeks if God hadn’t been there with me, as there were times when I honestly felt I couldn’t cope with any more problems, but as you can tell, I got through those days, and that I simply put down to the fact that my faith reassured me that God is with me at all times, and is helping me when my own strength has gone.

Today I thank God for my faith. Without Him, these last few weeks would have been even harder to face than they were.

Another Farewell

Posted: April 11, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, children, church, death, dementia, family, Food, friendship, Glasgow, Glasgow, Health, heaven, life, love, religion, Rutherglen, Salvation Army, stroke
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It’s been another sad day today, as just 5 weeks after saying our final farewells to my Dad, we said a final farewell to my Aunt Mae, Mary Waddell Gilchrist (23/10/1922 – 03/04/2013).

Aunt Mae (Aug 2011)

My intention again today, just at it had been on the day of my Dad’s funeral (see the blog post Farewell), was to write a tribute to my Aunt Mae, but I’m afraid again it’s just too soon for me to be able to write anything that would do her justice. At some point in the coming weeks I hope to write tributes to both Dad and Aunt Mae, but for today I simply want to say thank you.

Thank you to so many of you who have offered words of comfort and solace to me, Mum and Sandy over these last few weeks as first we lost my Dad, and then my Aunt Mae. I really can’t express strongly enough just how much your support in person, by phone and/or card, has meant to us all.

To those of you who have helped us get everything sorted out for today, I’d like to say a huge thank you to you.

To the many of you who shared with us today at Rutherglen Salvation Army for the service of thanksgiving, then at Rutherglen cemetery, and then afterwards back at Rutherglen Salvation Army for refreshments, thank you for taking the time to support us on this most difficult of days, as I’m sure it was very much appreciated by all my family. I’m sure my Aunt Mae would have been embarrassed by all that has been said about her today, but as far as I’m concerned, it simply shows the huge impact and influence Aunt Mae had on the many people she met during her lifetime.

I’ll miss you Aunt Mae, and just as I said about my Dad a few weeks ago, I will never ever forget you.

Rest in peace Aunt Mae xxx

Endless

Posted: March 21, 2013 in bereavement, children, death, dementia, depression, family, friendship, Health, heart, heaven, hospital, life, love, music, religion, words
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tearsThere are some things which can seem endless. Some that are good and some not so good. Things like the love and support from family and friends can feel endless which is obviously good. While a continual string of bad or events which affect your life are the complete opposite.

I’ve felt for the last few years that my life has just been one constant struggle after another between my own health problems as well as health  problems and other issues affecting other members of my family. This has all culminated in the last few weeks with my Dad passing away and now my 90-year-old aunt being admitted to hospital a couple of weeks ago with a bad chest infection and not eating or drinking, and then just a few days ago being told my aunt had probably had a stroke and it was unlikely she’d pull through.

How does that make me feel? Well at times I question God, as I’m sure we all do sometimes, “why me?”, but other times I acknowledge that God wouldn’t let me go through these experiences if he didn’t think I could handle them.

That doesn’t make me feel any better during these tough days, and it of course doesn’t make my life any easier, but it does remind me that God lives me and walks beside me in all situations, even though it may feel to me that he’s deserted me.

So when you are going through what seems like an endless string of bad things, remember God is there and is supporting you in all at all times.

The following video of Susan Best singing God is Always There will hopefully help you remember that God is always there for you:

The Last Time…

Posted: March 10, 2013 in bereavement, death, dementia, family, friendship, Health, heart, life, love
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death of a loved oneIn the last couple of weeks since my Dad passed away, I’ve found myself saying a number of times, “The last time I was here/did this, Dad was here”. Some of those memories have been ones I’ve smiled at other have been ones where I’ve shed a tear because even in these memories Dad’s illness was taking hold of him and turning him into a shell of the person he used to be.

These are the memories that will remain with me forever, and I’m sure in the coming days and weeks, many more memories of my Dad will come flooding back to me.

The Dad I knew and loved left us a few years ago as his vascular dementia took over his life. That however hasn’t made it any easier to cope with the death of Dad, as although he was not the Dad I knew, physically, it still looked like him, even right to the end.

Memories are all I have of my Dad now, but my love for him will live on, forever.

Invisible = Non Existent?

Posted: March 2, 2013 in arthritis, bereavement, cancer, death, dementia, depression, Health, heart, life, love
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When you think of pain, what do you think of?

Do you think when someone is in pain it is always visible to others?invisible pain

Don’t be fooled by a common misconception that someone’s pain is always visible. In fact I would like to point out that there are many people who go through each and every day in severe pain, but because they don’t show it on their face or don’t vocalise their pain to others, it is invisible to everyone but the sufferer.

Not all scars show.
Not all wounds heal.
Sometimes, you can’t always see the pain someone feels.

 

Therefore, do not judge others or assume you know how they are feeling, just because “they look ok” – looks can often be deceptive!

One Week On

Posted: February 28, 2013 in bereavement, bible, blogging, death, dementia, family, Father's Day, friendship, Health, heaven, life, love, music, religion, Salvation Army
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check listAt 7.13am last Thursday morning, about 15 minutes before my alarm was due to go off, our phone rang – Phone calls at that time in the morning are never good news, and sure enough this particular phone call was to let me know that just a couple of minutes earlier, my Dad had passed away.

So it’s now one week one since that phone call we all dread, and to be honest, I’m only now beginning the grieving process having spent most of the last week supporting Mum, letting people know about Dad’s passing and when the funeral was, as well as actually getting everything sorted for the funeral. So this last week has really been a bit of a blur leading up to yesterday, Dad’s funeral, so it’s probably no surprise that today I’ve been feeling very emotional, shedding a lot of tears, and thinking about Dad a lot.

As I said in Stress and Strain a couple of days ago, Dad professed no faith, however he was always supportive of Mum and me as we attended the Salvation Army. I have certainly found great strength from my faith in these last days, and can only reiterate to you words which I have said many time before…God is more than just enough to get us through everything.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Please listen closely to the beautiful words of the song More Than Just Enough by Sara Luneack:

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Farewell

Posted: February 27, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, children, death, dementia, family, Father's Day, friendship, Glasgow, Health, life, love, music, religion, Rutherglen
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It’s been a sad day today, as we said a final farewell to be Dad, Edwin (Eddie) Robert Johnson (25/04/1927 – 21/02/2013).

Dad at our wedding

My intention had been to write a tribute to my Dad today, but I’m afraid it’s just too soon for me to be able to write anything that would do my Dad justice, so I’ll save my thoughts for another day once Mum, Sandy and me get back to some kind of normality.

So today, I simply want to express my gratitude to everyone who has offered support and love to us during these difficult days either by phoned, in person or have sent us cards. You will never now how much your support has meant to us all.

To those of you who have helped us get everything sorted out for the funeral today and helped with the funeral itself, a huge thank you.

To the many of you who shared with us today at the crematorium and then afterwards at the hotel, thank you for taking the time to support us on this most difficult of days, again it was very much appreciated by us. I’m sure my Dad would have been embarrassed by all that has been said about him today and also by the number of you who attended his funeral, but as far as I’m concerned, it simply shows the huge impact and influence my Dad had on so many lives.

I miss you Dad, but I will never ever forget you.

Rest in peace Dad xxx

Just for you Dad, one of your favourite jazz musicians, Tommy Dorsey, playing I’m Getting Sentimental Over You:

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