I’ve been feeling really guilty about my feelings towards Dad, particularly when I go to visit him in the hospital.
Why? Because I find it incredibly difficult and if I’m truthful, boring. Dad is always so tired so just wants to sleep and even on the odd occasion when he is awake, we are unable to have any kind of conversation with him as most of what he says these days makes little sense.
I find it quite a chore to visit Dad as most of the time I’m just sitting there with him he dozes or sleeps, and has been known on a number of occasions to pull the sheets or pillows up over his head as if to tell us he’s not interested in talking to us. Even when I visit Dad when Mum’s with me, it’s still hard work, as Mum seems happy just to sit and look at Dad when he’s sleeping, and just hold his hand.
I now almost look forward to the odd day when I don’t go and see Dad as I do find it quite a chore to go and see him, and, I’m sorry to say, I often feel it’s a waste of time visiting
I know it’s my Dad, but to me my Dad “died” a long time ago and it’s just his body that’s still here. I often laugh at some of the things Dad says and does these days which I often think must seem really insensitive to others, but I know that’s just my way of coping with how Dad is these days. Although it seems to be my way of coping with current circumstances, I do feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way, because however you look at it, he’s still my Dad, and I still love Him, and always will!
Dementia is such a cruel illness, and affects not just the sufferer but their family and friends too. So today, I’d ask that you share a prayer for all those living with dementia, either because they suffer from it themselves, or they have a family member who is living with dementia.
Sadly there are many in our communities who struggle every day through life. Many of them will do their best not to let the “outside world” that they are struggling, while others will do all they can to get every bit of help available to them.
Personally, as someone who find it’s far easier to keep my feelings and emotions to myself, I was shocked and very nervous when I first found a friend who could look into my eyes and know how I was feeling – It was terrifying for me!
Have you ever cared for someone, but then come to the realisation that they don’t care about you to the same extent?
As some of you will be aware, I have an aunt who’s been in hospital for eight weeks, during which time I’ve been visiting her every day or every second day with my Mum. Today my aunt was being discharged from hospital into respite care for a few weeks.
