Posts Tagged ‘death’

Managing Grief #6

Posted: May 9, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, death, dementia, family, friendship, holiday, life, love
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It’s been a few weeks since I posted anything in my “Managing Grief” series, but it’s not because there was nothing more to suggest, simply I couldn’t write the words down. As many of you will know, there have been two bereavements in my own family in the last couple of months (my Dad and my aunt), and I think it’s only been in the last few weeks that I’ve begun to truly grieve for them.

Anyway, onto today’s thoughts on how to manage your grief…

Be realistic in your expectations.

In Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies by Marta Felber, Marta writes the following:

My loved one died on January 25. Almost immediately, I began to dread the next Christmas without him, exactly 11 months away!

The way in which she coped with her anxiety about the coming Christmas was to plan carefully and keep her expectations realistic:

“Try to have reasonable expectations. There are important ways in which celebrations will not, and cannot, ever be the same again. So it is okay to plan for them to be different. Be realistic about what you can handle, both physically and emotionally. Be kind to yourself and nurturing.”

Elderly woman sitting in an armchairI can truly relate to those sentiments, as my Dad died on 21st February this year, and just a couple of weeks ago, on the 25th April, we had to cope with my Dad’s first birthday since he passed away. It was awful knowing that for the first time in my life we didn’t have to wonder what to buy Dad for his birthday, but, more importantly, we wouldn’t even be celebrating the day with Dad anymore. The 25th April was a working day for me, and I can truthful tell you that I don’t know how I got through that day at work in one piece as my heart was most definitely with Dad.
I can only imagine how hard it was for Mum. However to make sure Mum wasn’t on her own all day, feeling sorry for herself and getting upset as Dad was no longer here, we took her out at night for a meal…not to celebrate Dad’s birthday but just to remember Dad on what would have been his special day. It turned out though that Mum had actually been out most of the day, as in the afternoon, she apparently went down to the nursing home Dad had been in (and died in), and spent time there with the nurses who had cared for, and looked after Dad so well during his time there.
We got through the first of our significant days since our two bereavements by setting realistic expectations, so I know it will work, so please try this for yourself.

A Missing Celebration

Posted: April 25, 2013 in bereavement, children, death, dementia, family, friendship, Health, life, love, pray, prayer, words
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Today, the 25th April is another sad day for us, as today would have been my Dad’s 86th birthday.

Dad at our weddingIt’s now just over 2 months since my Dad passed away, but just typing these words have started my tears flowing again. It really doesn’t seem like 2 months since Dad died, mind you a lot of that has to do with the fact in that interim time as many of you know, my Mum’s older sister, my Aunt Mae, also passed away. My Aunt Mae’s funeral was just over 2 weeks ago, so I’ve found that since then, I’ve finally been able to grieve for my Dad, as up until then I never really got a chance to grieve because my Aunt Mae was so ill.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not mean I am not grieving for my Aunt Mae as well as my Dad, as I most definitely am, but as you can probably understand, I am really missing my Dad.

I have thought of my Dad every day since he died.

I have shed many tears every day since Dad died.

I have missed my Dad every day since he died.

Yes, Dad’s illness in his final few years meant he was never really the Dad I knew and loved during, but even in those days when his vascular dementia meant he rarely knew us, or had any kind of conversation with us, there was still the odd time when he’d look at me and say, “Hello my lovely young lady” – something he often called me for many years. The days he said that to me became fewer and further apart, but when he did day them, they always brought tears to my eyes…and they most certainly have again tonight as I typed this post. The sad thing is no sooner would he uttered those words than he would become that vacant vessel again which didn’t understand what was going on around him, who was with him or indeed understand that he knew us.

These have been incredibly difficult months for my family, and my Mum in particular – Mum’s struggling to come to terms with the death of my Dad and Aunt Mae over these last couple of months. Therefore I’d ask today, as we remember my Dad on what would have been his birthday, that you continue to pray for us as we continue to grieve the death of two much-loved members of our family.

I love you Dad, and I miss you so much. You’ll always be in my thoughts and firmly in my heart. Dorothy xxx

Alive and Well

Posted: April 2, 2013 in blogging, cross, death, Easter, Health, life, love, music, pray, prayer, religion
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I’m alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again

I am alive, but I don’t always feel well. However in a spiritual sense all is well.

That hasn’t always been the case though I’m afraid, as I have been through some very dark times, when I did question God, and felt He had deserted me. However having got through those times, I know that the only reason I made it through those days was because God was with me and He was the one responsible for helping me through those days.

God lives in me, and I pray that as I live each day, others may realise these is something different about me, and that they can see Christ in me.

Amazing

Posted: April 1, 2013 in blogging, cross, death, Easter, family, friendship, Health, holiday, life, love, music, religion
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Amazing love
How can it can
That thou my God should die for me

I find it totally amazing that someone should died just so I can forever be forgiven of my sins. I don’t know about you, but I know of no-one else that would actually be willing to give their life for me.

Christ died over 2 thousand years ago, but still we celebrate His life, and His death after all these years. Who else can we say that about?!

As I’ve said several times over the last few days, I feel so humble and inadequate at all God has sacrificed for me, and all He continues to do for me. However, I know I can repay God for all the love He shows me on a daily basis, by giving the whole of my life to God.

How about you, are you thanking God for all he does for you by giving your life to Him? If you haven’t done so yet, today, Easter Monday is your day to say “Yes“, to Christ!

Managing Grief #4

Posted: March 11, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, death, family, friendship, Health, holiday, life, love
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As I’ve mentioned in my previous Managing Grief blog posts I’m doing a series on how to manage grief following the loss of a loved one.

So what do I want to focus on today…holiday times!

Holiday times can be physically draining at the best of times, never mind when it’s the first holiday time you’ve experienced since your loved one died. it may also be a lonely time for you as you may not have other friends and family around you to support you through this time.

In Managing Grief #2 I said it was important to remember your loved one, and this is no more relevant than during holiday times. So make sure you take time during these period not just to try to come to term with the fact that your loved one is no longer with you during these holidays, but also to remember and even laugh at memories of past holiday occasions.

They always say “laugher is good for the soul”, well I would add that “laughter is good for grief”. i.e. Remember the good times with your loved one, remember the funny stories/events that have taken place during holiday occasions and smile and laugh at them once again.

So don’t be lonely during the holiday times, whether that means you’ve got friends and family around you or whether that means you’re by yourself remember past holidays with your loved one…whatever you find yourself doing, enjoy the memories, laugh at the funny memories because they will do you the world of good.

funny-random-happy-memories

Managing Grief #3

Posted: March 7, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, death, depression, family, Food, friendship, Health, language, life, love, music
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As I’ve mentioned in several previous blog posts (Managing Grief #1 and #2), I’m doing a series of blog posts on how to manage grief following the loss of a loved one.

Today, it’s all about you!

finger-pointing

One of the most important things to do following a bereavement is to make sure you look after yourself physically. We can so often be caught up organising the funeral and taking care of all the practical things that need done following the death of a loved one, that we forget to look after our own health.

If there has been a period of hospital visiting prior to your loved one passing away, it’s likely that you have been rushing around doing all your normal daily tasks plus visiting them in hospital every day, and that can have a detrimental affect on your health, never mind coping with their death!

So take care of yourself physically, because you will be no use to anyone if you are ill, and your grieving process will be even harder if you don’t feel well.

I came across the following acronym and found it useful, so please try to remember this and follow its instructions:

DEER

  • Drink
  • Eat
  • Exercise
  • Rest

Managing Grief #2

Posted: March 4, 2013 in bereavement, blogging, death, family, friendship, Health, heaven, language, life, love, music, religion
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I mentioned the other day in Managing Grief #1, that I would be doing a series of blog posts giving some ideas on how to manage grief.  Today it’s about remembering your loved one…

Just because your loved one is gone doesn’t mean you should try to remove any thought of their passing from your mind. It’s important to be realistic about your loss, and not try to hide from the fact that there is an empty space in your life that they once filled.

I’m not saying we should immortalise them and never move on with your life, simply that you need to give yourself time to grieve – That in turn leads to the question of the how long is appropriate for us to grieve. The answer to this questions in itself is unknown as we are all different and all cope with grief differently, so grieve for as long as you need to.

When your with family and friends, don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one by sharing your memories of them, because in doing so you are helping you, and in turn showing your family and friends that it is actually ok to speak about the person.

I hope none of this sounds cold and dismissive, it is not intended to be. I simply feel that it is worthwhile to remember the person who has died and talk about them. i.e. It should not be taboo to talk about someone because they’ve died, but instead it should be good to share memories.

Woven

Posted: November 19, 2012 in cancer, death, family, friendship, Health, life, love, music, religion
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I’ve tended to steer away from the subject of death in my blog posts, but having attended a funeral last week of yet another of my husband’s relatives that has been killed prematurely by cancer, I felt I wanted to say a few words today about how we remember those who have died.

I recently read the following statement by Pericles:

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

Isn’t that a lovely thought?

I know I personally remember those who were close to me, but have died, are remembered for what they did and what they achieved during their short time here on earth. I for one, have completely forgotten what was written on their gravestones. This just goes to confirm that after we’re gone, it’s what we’ve done during our life that people will remember us for, rather than what’s on our gravestone.

So live your life to the full today, because we know the day, the hour or the second that we may take our last breath.

The Mark

Posted: November 6, 2012 in blogging, books, Health, heaven, life, love, music, pray, prayer, religion, words
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In the last few months I’ve been reading all the books in the Left Behind series again (by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins). Within the last couple of days I finished rereading the 8th book in the series, The Mark, and was again challenged to consider my own faith.

For those of you who haven’t read the The Left Behind series it is a series of fictional books that tells the story of a number of people before, during and after Christ takes all His people from Earth, to be with Him. i.e. the Rapture.

So, back to why I was challenged again when I reread The Mark…will in this book, the antichrist has decreed that everyone who follows him, must receive his mark on their forehead or hand. We are told that if you believe and follow God, you cannot willingly accept “the mark of the beast” (i.e. the antichrist). For those who refuse the mark, the antichrist decreed that they will be put to death, by guillotine! So in this book, part of it focuses on a prison enclosure where criminals and Christ followers are detained, and are some of the first to be given the mark of the antichrist. The story goes into great detail of how the Christ followers are praying and urging others in their enclosure to renounce the antichrist and accept Christ as their Lord and Saviour, and thus refuse “the mark”.

I was deeply challenged by the way these seemingly ordinary people, were able to witness for Christ right up to the last seconds of their lives, all because they were confident of their faith, and of God, that although they would lose their life here on earth, it was just the start of their eternal life with God.

Wow! Is my faith that strong? Would I give up my life rather than admit I believe in God?

Difficult questions, but ones as a Christian I feel should be easy for me answer! I pray I will never find myself in the circumstances those in this book were in, however I earnestly pray that God will continue to help me grow as a Christian so that should I be challenged in that way, I would be willing to give up my life for Christ.

I challenge you today to consider how you would respond if you had to choose between life or admitting you believe in God. If you have any doubts about your choice, I pray that you will find the encouragement and strength from God that you need to truly accept Him as your Lord and Saviour.

Why Is Life Never Simple?

Posted: August 11, 2012 in family, friendship, life, love, music, religion
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How many times have you asked yourself that question?

Mind you, if life was simple, we’d all be good at it wouldn’t we?!

Life is complicated right from the moment we are conceived to the moment we take our last breath. Many of the complications/difficulties we face during our lifetime are man-made…and many of those are of our own making!

If life was always easy though, how would we grow as people, into the adults we become? It’s through facing some hardships or difficult situations in our life that we find our true character, and blossom into the person God loves, and knows as me and you!

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