Could hardly get word in edgeways w/ mum 2day as she's been sitting in house a lot getting upset bout things rather than trying 2 go out #fb4 hours ago
Shattered but now going for weekly shop with mum. Will be glad to get home to relax #fb4 hours ago
Wot a long afternoon at the hospital getting usual tests, sitting waiting, more test, more waiting then finally seeing consultant #fb4 hours ago
I’ve never been much of a morning person and I am sure I never will be.
Having said that, despite working flexi time and not actually having to be in until 10am, I’m usually at work sometime between 8.30 and 9.15. Even so, I still like a bit a quietness then…at least until I’ve had my first coffee of the morning!
It’s funny how some of us like to get up early in the morning and just get on with things right away, while others of us like to have a long lie and like to slowly get into things. I definitely fall into that second category, how about you?
Just because I’m not a morning person and like to slowly move into my day, doesn’t mean I don’t get much done, it simply means I probably finish things a bit later. e.g. In a work sense, I’m often one of the last to leave the office at night.
So please, for those of you who are morning people, please remember some of us are not morning people and we like a quiet peaceful start to our mornings, thank you.
As you’ll know if you’re a regular reader of my blog, I’ve been writing a number of posts giving some thoughts on how to cope with the death of a loved one.
Today I want to focus on boundaries…your boundaries!
Protect your boundaries – You are the only one who truly knows and understands how you feel and how you are coping with your grief.
Some will avoid speaking to you as they will find it difficult to know what to say to you, others will offer words of comfort and extend their sympathies to you. Some will extend invitations to you, or ask you to take on tasks – Don’t pressurize yourself into saying, “Yes“. Instead, give yourself permission to say, “No thank you” or “I’ll pass on it for now”. Remember it’s about you, and how you are feeling, it’s not about any one else.
Another way of protecting your personal boundaries is to accept an invitation from someone, but put some limits on it. e.g. Tell them, “Yes, I will be happy to join you, but please know that I may have to excuse myself a little earlier than others”.
Finally, remember when you’ve suffered a bereavement it’s ok to protect your personal boundaries. However if you accept an invitation that’s been offered to you, don’t fret about it, because the anticipation of the occasions is always much worse than it actual turns out to be. Rest assured that, with God‘s grace, the occasion will not be nearly as difficult as you think it will.
“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” ~ Psalm 34:18
As I’ve mentioned in several previous blog posts (Managing Grief #1 and #2), I’m doing a series of blog posts on how to manage grief following the loss of a loved one.
Today, it’s all about you!
One of the most important things to do following a bereavement is to make sure you look after yourself physically. We can so often be caught up organising the funeral and taking care of all the practical things that need done following the death of a loved one, that we forget to look after our own health.
If there has been a period of hospital visiting prior to your loved one passing away, it’s likely that you have been rushing around doing all your normal daily tasks plus visiting them in hospital every day, and that can have a detrimental affect on your health, never mind coping with their death!
So take care of yourself physically, because you will be no use to anyone if you are ill, and your grieving process will be even harder if you don’t feel well.
I came across the following acronym and found it useful, so please try to remember this and follow its instructions:
I mentioned the other day in Managing Grief #1, that I would be doing a series of blog posts giving some ideas on how to manage grief. Today it’s about remembering your loved one…
Just because your loved one is gone doesn’t mean you should try to remove any thought of their passing from your mind. It’s important to be realistic about your loss, and not try to hide from the fact that there is an empty space in your life that they once filled.
I’m not saying we should immortalise them and never move on with your life, simply that you need to give yourself time to grieve – That in turn leads to the question of the how long is appropriate for us to grieve. The answer to this questions in itself is unknown as we are all different and all cope with grief differently, so grieve for as long as you need to.
When your with family and friends, don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one by sharing your memories of them, because in doing so you are helping you, and in turn showing your family and friends that it is actually ok to speak about the person.
I hope none of this sounds cold and dismissive, it is not intended to be. I simply feel that it is worthwhile to remember the person who has died and talk about them. i.e. It should not be taboo to talk about someone because they’ve died, but instead it should be good to share memories.
The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything but they make the most of everything.
As I said yesterday (in Keep Smiling), smiling can be infectious as if we smile, those around us will also feel like smiling. One thing helps make it easier to smile sometimes, is when we have all we need. That doesn’t mean we have the best of everything, but we don’t need the best of everything to be happy, as happiness is a very subjective feeling and as such can often be fulfilled simply by having all we need in life. e.g. loving family, good friends, a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes to keep us warm etc..
Note: To have everything we need does not include life’s luxuries, such as a car, lots of money, all the latest gadgets, but instead it is simply life’s necessities to live.
It’s funny how hello always ends with a goodbye,
it’s funny how good memories can start to make you cry.
It’s funny how forever never really seems to last,
it’s funny how much you’d lose if you forgot about your past.
It’s funny how friends can just leave you when you’re down,
it’s funny how when you need someone they’re never around.
It’s funny how people change and think they’re so much better,
it’s funny how many lies can be packed in one “love letter”.
It’s funny how people forgive even though they can’t forget,
it’s funny how one night can contain so much regret.
It’s funny how ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all, none of that’s funny to me.
Don’t let the things of life, like those mentioned above, get you down, because if you concentrate on all the bad things of life you won’t enjoy life to the full!
I don’t know if you’ve ever come across the song Christmas Shoesbefore, but it’s such a beautiful song with a great message for each of us, I want to simply share this with you today:
Christmas Shoes
It was almost Christmas time And there I stood in another line Trying to buy that last gift or two Not really in the Christmas mood And standing right in front of me was a Little boy waiting anxiously Pacing around like little boys do And in his hands he held A pair of shoes
And His clothes were worn and old He was dirty from head to toe And when it came his time to pay I couldn’t believe what I heard him say
Sir I wanna buy these shoes For my mama. please It’s Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size Could you hurry sir Daddy says there’s not much time You see, She’s been sick for quite a while And I know these shoes will make her smile And I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight
They counted penny’s for what seemed like years then the Cashier said, “Son, there’s not enough here.” He searched his pockets frantically Then he turned and he looked at me and he said “Mama made Christmas good at our house though Most years she just did without, Tell me sir, What am I gonna do? Some how I gotta buy her these Christmas shoes.”
So I laid the money down I just had to help him out And I’ll never forget the look on his face when he said, “Mama’s gonna look so great.”
Sir I wanna buy these shoes For my mama. please It’s Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size Could you hurry sir Daddy says there’s not much time You see, She’s been sick for quite a while And I know these shoes will make her smile And I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight
I knew I’d caught a glimpse of heaven’s love as he thanked me and ran out I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about
Sir I wanna buy these shoes For my mama. please It’s Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size Could you hurry sir Daddy says there’s not much time You see, She’s been sick for quite a while And I know these shoes will make her smile And I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight
I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight
What a beautiful message isn’t it?
Why not do something selfless for someone in need this Christmas – not only will it help them, but it’s make you feel good too!
Bereavement is something we all have to cope with at some point in our life. Although it’s difficult for us to cope with as we mourn the passing of loved ones, we can be assured that it’s simply a temporary goodbye…
I can’t believe that you’re really gone now Seems like it’s all just a dream How can it be that the world will go on When something has died within me?
Leaves will turn, my heart will burn with colors of you Snow will fall but I’ll recall your warmth Summer wind breathing in your memory I’ll miss you
But there will be a time when I’ll see your face And I’ll hear your voice and there we will laugh again And there will come a day when I’ll hold you close No more tears to cry ’cause we’ll have forever But I’ll say goodbye for now
I can’t imagine my life without you You’ve held a place all your own Just knowing you were beneath the same sky Oh, what a joy I have known
On rainy days, in many ways, you’ll water my heart On starry nights I’ll glimpse the light of your smile Never far from my heart you’ll stay with me So I’ll just wait
‘Cause there will be a time when I’ll see your face And I’ll hear your voice and there we will laugh again And there will come a day when I’ll hold you close No more tears to cry ’cause we’ll have forever But I’ll say goodbye for now
But there will be a time when I’ll see that face And I’ll hear your voice and there we will laugh again And there will come a day when I’ll hold you close No more tears to cry ’cause we’ll have forever But I’ll say goodbye for now
So if you’ve suffered bereavement recently, please remember God is with you and that you will see your loved one again in heaven.
God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more, neither shall there be anguish (sorrow and mourning) nor grief nor pain any more, for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away.
Another sad day, but another day full of hope, as we said our final farewells to another loved one.
I came across the above song on YouTube yesterday and it really touch me, and reaffirmed to me that death of a loved one, is not the end of our relationship, because we will meet again in heaven.
There’s only one thing in life that’s certain, and that is that we’ll all die at some point. Even so, it’s still difficult for us to cope with death when someone close to us dies.
I pray that when we suffer bereavement, we may find reassurance and peace knowing there is hope…hope, in the knowledge that our goodbye is not the end.
In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich – Dietrich Bonhoeffer
It’s true isn’t it, that we often take so many of the things we have for granted, that we actual forget they are given to us. Sadly, it’s often only when we lose those gifts that we realise just how much we received.
That may all sound a bit contradictory, but the bottom line is really this – We must accept all things we receive, no matter how small, with gratitude. After all it’s nice to receive gifts so why not be thankful for everything you receive each day.
I’ve never been much of a morning person and I am sure I never will be.
As you’ll know if you’re a regular reader of my blog, I’ve been writing a number of posts giving some thoughts on how to cope with the death of a loved one.
