Archive for April 19, 2010

Have you ever felt like an outsider?

How did it make you feel? It’s not a nice experience at all is it.

I heard a good analogy on the TV a few days ago:

It compared feeling like an outsider to a sweet shop where everyone else is inside the sweet shop able to help themselves to whatever sweets they want, when they want it, but you’re outsider the shop looking in the window – the door is locked so you can’t get in.

So what are some of the situations that can make us feel like an outsider? Here’s some examples:

  • Religious beliefs
  • Family background
  • Different hobbies
  • Lack of family
  • Shyness
  • Lack of close friends

Any of these examples remind you of your feelings of being an “outsider”? I may not have listed the reason you find makes you feel like an outsider, but whatever the situations that affect you in this way, I really understand how you feel, I indicated in my post from a few days ago, Brothers and Sisters, that I have felt like an outsider.

Personally, I must admit to feeling like an outsider most of my life, in many things I do – Yes I know this may surprise those of you who have known me for many years, but it is true, I think I just became accustomed to feeling like an outsider and felt it was all my fault that I kept my feelings about it to myself. I know much of my feelings are probably down to my personality, I’m not someone who finds it easy make conversation with folk I don’t know well as I’m quite a quite person (don’t laugh) and in these situations feel totally out of my comfort zone. In many situations even now, I still feel like an outsider, so it doesn’t get any easier the older I get. Now I certainly don’t want to embarrass anyone or make them feel uncomfortable, but here are a couple of situations I feel like an outsider:

  • At my church – I only moved there a few years ago. It’s a very family orientated church, and I have no family there, I also have no close friends there, so can often feel like an outsider – That’s not because of anything the folk there do or say, as they are all very friendly towards me, it just the whole situation. I find it particularly difficult when there are events on? Why? Well I normally don’t go to any of these things because who am I supposed to go with/sit with as I’ve no family/close friends there and I’d just feel like I was intruding on others if I tagged along.
  • Work – Because my husband and I work in the same place I think many of the folk there think I tell my husband everything that is said or done, so often I feel I’m excluded from conversations as they’re frightened I tell on them…they don’t know me very well to think that, as I certainly do not go telling everything that happens to my husband, I’ve more important things to do/say when we’re together!

Any of these things sound familiar to you? It’s not a nice being an outsider and wanting to be part of a group, it can be very lonely and upsetting.

I try my best not to do /say anything that would make someone feel like an outsider because I know how horrible it is.

 Please make a special effort not to leave anyone out of conversations/events as of us outsiders it’s very difficult to feel comfortable forcing ourselves into other company.