Archive for July 5, 2011

Ever noticed how children often say the funniest things? Here’s some quotes from real children about the bible and Christians, I hope you find them as amusing as I did:

  • In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
  • Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
  • Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
  • Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
  • Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
  • The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
  • The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  • The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  • The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  • David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
  • Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  • When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
  • Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
  • St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
  • Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. he also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
  • It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  • The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
  • The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
  • One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
  • When St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.
  • Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Kids say the funniest things sometimes, so enjoy them and love them just as Jesus directed us to.