On the 21st of February 2013 just after 7.10am, one year ago today, I received the phone call I’d been dreading for a while – It was the nursing home my Dad was in phoning to tell me that Dad had died just a few minutes earlier.
Well one year on, and I’m still finding it hard to cope with Dad not being with us anymore, which in itself is a bit odd, as for a while prior to his death, Dad wasn’t really Dad anymore anyway, because of the vascular dementia which eventually killed him – It looked like Dad, but it was a shell of the man I knew and loved as much of the time he didn’t know us, or even speak to us in his final few months, so in many ways we’ve been mourning Dad’s “death” for a lot longer than one year.
I can’t believe that’s now a year since Dad left us, as so much has happened in this last year to my family. There’s so many situations I find myself in that I just want to go talk to Dad about and then have to stop and remind myself that Dad’s not here anymore…
There’s so much more I wish I could say about Dad today, but even one year on, it’s still too hard for me to do so.
Bereavement affects us all at some point in our lives and we get through it in different ways; some seem to cope as if nothing has happened, others struggle to cope; some find it easy to take about their loss, others prefer the quietness and reassurance of their own memories. However we cope when someone we love passes away, we are grieving and it’s important to give ourselves time to grieve and not expect life just to carry on as normal for as, as our lives will never be the same again after a loved one dies.
So today, and every day, I remember my Dad, Edwin Robert Johnson (25/4/1927 – 21/2/2013) – I miss you so much, you’re never far from my mind and I will always love you.