Archive for the ‘wedding’ Category

In so many ways I wish this wasn’t the end of 2015, as once again I find myself looking back over the last year with great sadness.

Mum 70thWhile 2014 had not been great as Mum was diagnosed with Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma, she had coped well with the chemotherapy so I had certainly started 2015 full of hope that 2015 would bring good news for Mum. Sadly my hopes were dashed early on, as we got the news in January that while Mum’s treatment had helped to a certain extent, the lymphoma had continued to progress so were told they no longer hoped to cure Mum, but still hoped to get her illness under control for as long as possible.

Despite a course of radiotherapy and then starting a course of oral chemotherapy, it was clear in July, Mum’s illness was progressing, and so Mum was admitted to hospital for further tests/treatment. after further scans/test we were summoned to meet with the doctors and Mum, and were told there no further treatment they could offer Mum as her illness was continuing to progress quite aggressively. After a few days of discussion with Mum and the palliative care nurse, Mum agreed to go to the Prince and Princess of Wales Hospice, initially just for a couple of weeks so we could all be sure she was going to be able to be safe if she went home. Sadly though, Mum never got home, as on the 6th on September she passed away peacefully in the hospice.

TiggerMum wasn’t the only member of my family to pass away this year, as in April we also had to get our cat of almost 20 years, Tigger, put down. We got Tigger as a wedding present on our 1st wedding anniversary, so he would have been 20 years old this July. There was a huge emptiness in our home after Tigger died as other than the first year of our marriage, he was part of our married life, so it was a big change for us not having Tigger around the house anymore.

That wasn’t the end of things either as another member of my family passed away from dementia/Alzheimer’s – my Aunt Vida, passed away in August less than 3 weeks before my Mum died.

I’m not quite sure how I’ve got through these last few months, particularly as this included clearing out my Mum’s house, which had not only my Mum’s belonging, but also many of my Dad and my Aunt Mae’s things too (they both died in 2013) – This was one of the hardest and most upsetting things I’ve ever had to do. I feel that in these last few weeks, that Mum’s death has really hit me hard, as prior to that I was so busy clearing her house and getting organised for hubby and I moving to my Mum and Dad’s house, I don’t think I really had much quiet or alone time to stop and think about all that’s happened this year. One thing I do know though is that my world fell apart when Mum passed away. Other than my hubby, Mum was the last of my immediate family who remained, so now Mum’s gone I feel so very alone – Mum knew how I was going to feel when she passed away as I remember her saying to me just a few weeks before she died, that she wasn’t ready to go yet as she wanted to be here for me. I really wish Mum was still here for me, but sadly her time here on earth was up, however I am reassured in the knowledge that Mum will now be with her Lord and Saviour, and that we will be reunited one day.

Just as in previous years, it’s not only been the bereavements that have been on my mind this year, as there have also been several other ongoing life issues to cope with this year which have added to the stresses and strains of 2015.

I’m finding life quite tough just now, as I really miss my Mum and continue to miss my Dad too. After my Dad and my Aunt Mae passed away 2 years ago there was one song that stuck in my head for a few months as it reminded me that no matter what I’m facing, and how bad life seems, God is there for me and He will always be there for me, and that song has once been going through my head again – so here is Kutless with Promise of a Lifetime:

So as you can see 2015 has been an awful year for me. I really hope and pray 2016 is a happier year for me and my family!

I hope 2015 has been a far happier year for you than it was for me, however if it wasn’t, I hope you have had the love and support of family and friends to help you through the year.

I pray that as we look ahead to 2016 you may go forward with confidence knowing that whatever situations you have to deal with, God is by your side not just during this Christmas season, but all year-long.

The Promise of a Lifetime by Kutless
 
I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I’m feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away Then I remember the pledge you made to me  I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change I still remember the pledge you made to me
I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime  I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside I am comforted
To know your always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime.
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime
Looking back at me
I know that you can see
My heart is open to the promise of a lifetime 

I’ve done a few Word Associations with you over the last while, and today it’s time for another one. So as usual I’m going to throw some words at you  and I want you to note down the first word that comes into your mind when you read each word.

So here goes…

  1. wordsHair
  2. Pig
  3. Bouquet
  4. Swimming
  5. Health
  6. Bank
  7. Jumper
  8. Skyscraper
  9. Litter
  10. Tie

 

So how did you get on with those words? Did you find it easy? Did your answers surprise you or were they just as you expected?

Well here’s my responses to my questions:

  1. Colour
  2. Mud
  3. Wedding
  4. Sunshine
  5. Safety
  6. Money
  7. Winter
  8. Scared
  9. Bin
  10. Formal

 

Were any of your answers the same as mine? Did any of my answers confuse you? Did any of your own answers confuse you?

I’ve said in previous word association posts that I find I get a bit stressed when I’m doing them as I put a lot of pressure on myself not to over think my answers! Are you relaxed when you do them or do you find it stressful too?

I still believe that when we respond with the first words that come into our minds, our answers tell us a lot about our emotional state, and what’s important to us at that particular point in time.

Bearing all this in mind, review your answers, does my theory hold true?

By the way, if you want me to explain any of my answers, just ask!

Looking back over my blog posts at the end of the last two years, I see my comments about the last two years were that they were pretty rotten years. Well guess what, 2014 has had some real lows but thankfully also some highs too.

So let’s start with the highs first:

glasgow_2014_commonwealth_games2014 saw us having 3 family weddings, the first ones since our wedding 20 years ago! Mind you they didn’t half make me feel old though, especially the last of the 3 weddings which took place just last Saturday, as it was the oldest daughter of one of my cousin’s that was getting married, and she was a flower girl at our wedding!

This year also saw my home city of Glasgow hosting the Commonwealth Games. As it’s unlikely to happen again in our lifetime we took this opportunity to attend a number of events during the games, and were so glad we did because we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. What a fantastic atmosphere there was at all the events we attended, Glasgow did us proud!

Onto the not so good stuff from this year:

The first family wedding of this year was in Keighley, Yorkshire, and sadly my hubby was unable to travel down to the wedding because of his health. So Mum and me travelled down to the wedding ourselves. It was a long and tiring weekend but one which we thoroughly enjoyed. In the following couple of weeks I didn’t think my Mum was quite herself and seemed overly tired, I thought it was just due to the wedding…

hospital2A couple of weeks after attending that wedding, I found my Mum lying on her living room floor, she’d been there for approx. 19 hours, but couldn’t get up and couldn’t reach the phone. Thankfully she hadn’t broken anything but she did end up in hospital for a number of weeks for rehabilitation. When she was discharged from hospital she was very tired and confused when we got her home, and didn’t last very long at home until she ended up back in hospital again – I found her on the floor again the morning after she was discharged from hospital! Mum was admitted to hospital again for a number of weeks. During her time in hospital time they found her infection markers were very high and despite numerous treatments they failed to come down, so further tests were performed and they showed Mum had cancer.

Things moved very quickly then and before we’d really had time to take in what was happening, particularly Mum. Mum started her chemotherapy in September and was finally discharged from hospital at the beginning of October after being in hospital for over 3 months (excluding the 1 overnight she had at home when she fell again). Mum has continued to get chemo every few weeks, and hope to find out fairly early in 2015, how well this has worked.

Add to this, my hubby’s health issues, my own on-going health issues, and those of our 19-year-old cat, and you can see this year’s had some tough times for us.

Sadly this year I also discovered that several people who I had come to consider as good friends, sharing some private things with them, have turned out to be false friendships. As when things got tough in various areas of my life this year these folk have hardly spoken to me, taken other people’s side in disagreements without even asking me for my side of things. It’s been upsetting that they have chosen to believe the views of another and seemed not to even consider that this view was not an accurate reflection of events. This was made worse when I asked one person about something I supposed said, and they just laughed, suggesting they had no understanding of how events had hurt and affected me. They certainly haven’t shown any interest in me or my family or the fact that I’ve been struggling to cope with all that’s I’ve had to cope with over the last while…

So it’s been a stressful year with some highs and some lows. To be honest I’m not quite sure how I’ve kept going as, as well as working full-time, I’ve either been visiting Mum in the hospital, or looking after her at home very day. Between looking after our house, and Mum’s house, and making sure Mum has everything she needs, it’s tiring, and stressful to put it mildly! That said I know that in all these situations I’ve listed here, God has been there with me, and they have each been part of God’s plan for my life.

I’m finding life quite tough just now with everything that’s happened in the last year or two, but just like last year there’s one song that has been stuck in my head which keeps reminding me that no matter what I’m facing, and how bad life seems, God is there for me and He will always be there for me – Here’s Kutless with Promise of a Lifetime:

So as you can see 2014 has been a mix of highs and more lows, so I’m hoping 2015 will be the first year in a while that’s just full of highs…I can but hope can’t I?

I hope your 2014 has been a happy one, however if not, I hope you have had the love and support of family and friends to help you through the year.

I pray that as we look ahead to 2015 you may go forward with confidence knowing that whatever situations you have to deal with, God is by your side not just during this Christmas season, but all year-long.

The Promise of a Lifetime by Kutless
 
I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I’m feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge you made to me  I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime Will you help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And you show me how to grow
Through the change I still remember the pledge you made to me

I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime  I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside I am comforted
To know your always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime.
I hear the words you say
To never walk away from me and leave behind
The promise of a lifetime I know you’re always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime
Looking back at me
I know that you can see
My heart is open to the promise of a lifetime