Posts Tagged ‘Grief Loss and Bereavement’

I mentioned the other day in Managing Grief #1, that I would be doing a series of blog posts giving some ideas on how to manage grief.  Today it’s about remembering your loved one…

Just because your loved one is gone doesn’t mean you should try to remove any thought of their passing from your mind. It’s important to be realistic about your loss, and not try to hide from the fact that there is an empty space in your life that they once filled.

I’m not saying we should immortalise them and never move on with your life, simply that you need to give yourself time to grieve – That in turn leads to the question of the how long is appropriate for us to grieve. The answer to this questions in itself is unknown as we are all different and all cope with grief differently, so grieve for as long as you need to.

When your with family and friends, don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one by sharing your memories of them, because in doing so you are helping you, and in turn showing your family and friends that it is actually ok to speak about the person.

I hope none of this sounds cold and dismissive, it is not intended to be. I simply feel that it is worthwhile to remember the person who has died and talk about them. i.e. It should not be taboo to talk about someone because they’ve died, but instead it should be good to share memories.

For those who have been bereaved within the last year, there will have been many “firsts”…the first night alone, the first meal alone, the first time attending church alone, the first birthday spent alone, the first anniversary alone…

christmas aloneSadly at this time of year, Christmas can just be another one of those “firsts”, as many will spend their first Christmas alone this year.

For many Christmas is a traditional time of happiness and festivity spent with their family. However for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, Christmas can be just another one of those occasions you just wish you could boycott as it’s filled with very mixed emotions.

Unfortunately there are no quick fixes to get over grief and get rid of the hurt. But there is a positive, God! God uses the loving support of our friends and family and the passage of time to heal our broken hearts, however there’s still no quick fix.

So this Christmas, whether you are grieving or you know someone who is grieving, and will be experiencing that first Christmas alone, be assured that God will get you through not just this festive season, but your grief.

Please pray for those who will spend Christmas alone for the first time this Christmas, because it will be a particularly difficult time for them, so they need our support more than ever.

The last few days my blog posts have focused on bereavement, and how, even when coping with that situation, we can do so with hope, knowing we will see our loved ones again in heaven.

But for each of us, how do they help people who are hurting either due to bereavement or other events?

Firstly some words from the bible:

Remember those who are suffering, as though you were suffering as they are ~ Hebrews 13:3 (Good News Translation)

Is that the key, to try to understand the pain and hurt the person is feeling?

I’d say yes, as without trying to understand how and why the person is feeling pain, there is no way we can truly understand how they are feeling. So does that mean unless we’ve been in that same situation as the person, we can’t possibly understand their pain?

No, with God‘s help we can be the support and strength the person requires to get through their darkest moments. We may not have been in the situation the person’s currently in, but God can give us the words and actions to provide the comfort and strength needed for those who are hurting.

Bereavement is something we all have to cope with at some point in our life. Although it’s difficult for us to cope with as we mourn the passing of loved ones, we can be assured that it’s simply a temporary goodbye…

 

 

Goodbye For Now by Kathy Troccoli

I can’t believe that you’re really gone now
Seems like it’s all just a dream
How can it be that the world will go on
When something has died within me?

Leaves will turn, my heart will burn with colors of you
Snow will fall but I’ll recall your warmth
Summer wind breathing in your memory
I’ll miss you

But there will be a time when I’ll see your face
And I’ll hear your voice and there we will laugh again
And there will come a day when I’ll hold you close
No more tears to cry ’cause we’ll have forever
But I’ll say goodbye for now

I can’t imagine my life without you
You’ve held a place all your own
Just knowing you were beneath the same sky
Oh, what a joy I have known

On rainy days, in many ways, you’ll water my heart
On starry nights I’ll glimpse the light of your smile
Never far from my heart you’ll stay with me
So I’ll just wait

‘Cause there will be a time when I’ll see your face
And I’ll hear your voice and there we will laugh again
And there will come a day when I’ll hold you close
No more tears to cry ’cause we’ll have forever
But I’ll say goodbye for now

But there will be a time when I’ll see that face
And I’ll hear your voice and there we will laugh again
And there will come a day when I’ll hold you close
No more tears to cry ’cause we’ll have forever
But I’ll say goodbye for now

So if you’ve suffered bereavement recently, please remember God is with you and that you will see your loved one again in heaven.

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end.
 

 

Revelation 21:4 (Amplified Bible)

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more, neither shall there be anguish (sorrow and mourning) nor grief nor pain any more, for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away.

Another sad day, but another day full of hope, as we said our final farewells to another loved one.

I came across the above song on YouTube yesterday and it really touch me, and reaffirmed to me that death of a loved one, is not the end of our relationship, because we will meet again in heaven.

There’s only one thing in life that’s certain, and that is that we’ll all die at some point. Even so, it’s still difficult for us to cope with death when someone close to us dies.

I pray that when we suffer bereavement, we may find reassurance and peace knowing there is hope…hope, in the knowledge that our goodbye is not the end.

Yesterday in Invisible Pain I spoke about how many people suffer silently from physical pain, every day. Today I want to consider those suffering other pain, emotional pain.

How many times have you heard someone say:

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting  some kind of battle.

Many times I’ve been felt totally drained emotionally because of all of life’s situations I’ve having to cope with, but when I’m with others I always do my best to hide how I’m really feeling, because the thought of others truly knowing how I feel would mean I’d fall apart publicly and that is one of my worst nightmares!

There are many things that we all try to “hide” from others: our grief over the death of a loved one, health concerns for ourselves or a loved one, depression, financial worries, job security, concern about our children etc

All these are things which often others will know nothing about. i.e. there are no physical signs, however that most certainly doesn’t mean these concerns/issues are any less painful to those experiencing them.

Just as the quote I listed above says, just because someone looks ok from the outside, does not mean they are ok on the inside. Some of us have many battles that we face on a daily basis, but they are ones which those around us know nothing about. So do just as the above quote says:

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting  some kind of battle.

Calling Heaven by Michael W Smith

Calling heaven
Seeking mercy
Tell me there’s a place for these
What of the children who have never felt a love
Tender as the morning
Nursing the bruises
And the scars that never seem to go away

What of the babies who have never left the womb
Breathing in the lifeline
Angels in waiting
Gone before they could be given wings to fly

Calling heaven
Seeking mercy
Tell me there’s a place for these
What of the children who have never felt a love
Tender as the morning
Nursing the bruises
And the scars that never seem to go away

What of the noble who are searching for the truth
With truest of intentions
And yet they’re jaded by
Hypocrisies behind cathedral walls

What of the humble and the meek that knew despair
And never got their moment
But sacrificed a life of comfort
So that others knew no pain

Calling heaven
Seeking mercy
Tell me there’s a place for these
What of the children who have never felt a love
Tender as the morning
Nursing the bruises
And the scars that never seem to go away

What of the ones who call you Lord
But play the field
with faithless indecision
Forgive us father for we truly
Do not know what we have done

Calling heaven
Seeking mercy
Tell me there’s a place for these
What of the children who have never felt a love
Tender as the morning
Nursing the bruises
And the scars that never seem to go away

There’s are many hurting people in our world today, but for me the ones I feel most for are those who suffer as a consequence of someone else’s actions, or simply as a result of unfortunate circumstance.

I’ve heard recently of two separate couples who have gone through the pain and grief of losing a child – one as a result of a miscarriage the other a cot death. Both terrible and painful events, but both simply unfortunate circumstances.

In addition the others that always touch me deeply are the children we hear about on the news or in the papers who have been abused/neglected by family or so called friends. How can they do this to a child? The child can’t protect themself, they rely on those around them to look after them and care for them.

Please pray for those who have suffered abuse or neglect as well as for those families who have had to go through the traumatic experience of the death of their child. They need our prayers and our support today and in the future, so please pray for them.