Posts Tagged ‘mother’

In Wednesday’s paper, the Herald, there was a very poignant article by Sally Magnusson entitled Magnusson’s torment at mother’s dementia battle. It really hit home for both Mum and me, and I’m sure many other’s who have family members or friends, who are suffering from dementia.

As you’ll know if you’ve been following my blog for a while, my Dad was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago, and over the last couple of years his condition has deteriorated very rapid. My Dad is still living at home with my Mum, with my Mum caring for him 24/7.

As Sally Magnusson says in her article in the Herald this week

Caring for my mother at home, even only part-time in my case with the help of my sisters and latterly a team of wonderful carers, has been psychologically gruelling and physically draining,” she said.

“How much worse for those who are caring alone and cannot afford extra help.”

when you’re caring for someone with dementia, it’s not something which just takes up a small part of your time, it is a 24/7 job, one which is not just physically exhausting, but also emotionally draining.

Please don’t think dementia is just about forgetting a few things, it’s not, it’s a horrendous disease which sucks out the person you know from their body and leaves an empty, helpless shell. It’s a disease which not only affects the person with the disease but also those who care for them, as there’s no remission for them from looking after the sufferer.

The person I know my Dad to be isn’t here anymore, yes, when I look at him I see my Dad, but that’s about the only part of him which is still recognisable as Dad:

  • He is no longer able to dress himself – Mum has to help him do that
  • He no longer knows or understands how to wash himself – Mum does that 6 days a week with a carer coming in to give Dad a bath once a week
  • He doesn’t recognise family members…including me which was very upsetting when it first happened. Although I’m now used to him not knowing me, it still is very upsetting
  • He doesn’t recognise or know people he’s known for years, such as neighbours and friends
  • When outside the house, he doesn’t know where he is
  • He sleeps most of the time

One of the saddest things watching Dad’s condition worsen, was when he went through a stage of bursting out crying for no apparent reason, other than just simply frustration at what was happening to him. I know how upsetting it was for Mum and me to see, but imagine how my Dad must have felt!

I do my best to support my Mum as she cares for Dad 24/7, however I never feel as though I’m able to do enough because I can see how difficult it is for Mum. On the plus side, Dad’s been into a local care hom,e a couple of time in the last 4/5 months for a week’s respite care, which has allowed Mum to get a bit of a break and a rest. In the last few weeks Mum’s talked about how she’s not sure how much longer she will be able to look after Dad at home.

It’s sad it’s come to this for Dad, but for the sake of my Mum, and her health, I was pleased when Mum told me she had asked her social worker to put Dad’s name down on the waiting list for the local care home. It’s upsetting to think of Dad not being at home, but ultimately he doesn’t really know where he is or who he’s with anymore, so as long as he’s comfortable and being looked after well, that is all I can ask.

If you are a praying person, can I ask you to pray for all those suffering from dementia and also for those caring for them. Thank you.

Answer…

We all do!

Whether it be one of our parents, a husband or wife, a brother, a sister, an aunt or uncle, niece or nephew, a cousin, or even a grandchild, or grandparent, I’m sure we all have particular family members who we all turn to when we need help or direction.

Unfortunately this is not the case in every family, as some families have been torn apart by hatred, jealously, drugs, alcohol or abuse.

So next time you turn to someone in your family for advice or support, please spare a thought for those who have no family they can turn to. Please say a prayer for the lonely, and those without family to support them.

Maybe I’ve surprised you by the title of today’s blog post, as you’re maybe surprised that I think there are any negatives to Mother’s Day. Unfortunately I see many negatives as well as positives about Mother’s Day and the way in wish we celebrate it, so let me explain further…

Personally I’m not a big fan of Mother’s Day. Not because I don’t love my Mum or don’t think she deserves recognition for all she’s done for me, but simply because I feel, like so many other events or holidays, it’s become too commercial. For me Mother’s Day should be a personal and private thing between mother and child(ren), and therefore I hate the way all the shops and TV adverts at this time make me feel pressurised into buying flowers, a card and all sorts of others things for my mum just because it’s Mother’s Day.

All I want to say to this is, why should I do this on one particular day of the year? Think about those who have can’t afford to buy their Mum’s a present or a gift for Mother’s Day, how do think they feel? It’s not just that though, our Mother’s are our Mother’s all year round, not just on Mother’s Day, so be good to them buy them gifts (if you can afford to) all year round, not just on Mother’s Day.

I also feel deeply for those on Mother’s Day whose Mum’s are no longer with them – particularly those whose Mum’s have died within the last year.

Then there are those who have never known their real mother – maybe because their mother died very early in their  life, or because they were given up for adoption as a young child/baby – Think of those people too at this time, as I know that they have probably have many unanswered questions and lots of what if questions in their mind, particularly around Mother’s Day.

Finally there are many women who would love to have children but either find they are unable to have children or for health reasons, are unable to have children – Mothering Sunday for them (and this includes me) can be tough as it reminds them of what they will never have.

So all that said, despite having taken all my Mum does for me for granted for many years, I do of course love my Mum very much and am so very thankful for all she has done, and continues to do for me.

However for me a number of the things I’ve mentioned above refer to me, so while it’s good to show love for our Mum’s on days like today, just remember it’s not necessarily such a happy day for everyone.

So whether you love or hate mothers day, or whether you dislike Mother’s Day for any of the reasons listed above (several apply for me),I hope you don’t take all your mum has done/continues to do for you for granted, after all, she’s your Mum, and always will be!

Yesterday was my Mum’s birthday and it was one that was full of different emotions for both Mum and me.

Firstly, I know Mum didn’t want her birthday as she has become more and more aware over the last while that both her and other members of our family are getting ever older, and with that often comes increasing health problems and health concerns.

Mum and Dad went into Glasgow with the intention of having a nice lunch out, but not only did my Dad not feel too good so didn’t want anything to eat, my Mum didn’t manage to get what she wanted for lunch and what she got was cold by the time she ate it! So as you can see Mum’s birthday plans didn’t go as expected.

Not only did Mum’s lunch plans not go as expected, but both my Dad and also my Mum’s sister, both forgot my Mum’s birthday. As some of you will know both my Dad and my aunt have dementia so to be honest it was no great surprise neither of them remembered Mum’s birthday. However, this being the first birthday both of them have forgotten, it must have been so very tough on Mum – I know it certainly made me feel quite low and very emotional.

On a positive note to finish, I think Mum loved the birthday presents we gave her – I think they gave her a wee boost knowing not everyone had forgotten her birthday.

I can’t imagine how Mum must have felt knowing some of those closest to her had forgotten her birthday, but I hope and pray, despite it all, that hubby and me can continue to bring a little bit of brightness and happiness into Mum’s life during what are difficult times.

Things have been very difficult for all my family (including me) over the last while for a variety of reasons, so I’d appreciate it if you’d keep us in your prayers – Thank you

A Mother’s Prayer

Posted: April 16, 2010 in family, life, love, religion
Tags: , , , , ,

A Mother’s Prayer

Dear Lord, it’s such a hectic day,
With little time to stop and pray.
For Life’s been anything but calm,
Since You called me to be a mom.
Running errands, matching socks,
Building dreams with building blocks.
Cooking, cleaning and finding shoes,
And other stuff that children loose.
Fitting lids on bottled bugs,
Wiping tears and giving hugs.
A stack of last week’s mail to read-
So where’s the quiet time I need?
Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,
Just at the sink, the ironing board,
To ask the blessings of Your grace,
I see then, in my small one’s face,
That You have blessed me all the while,
And I stoop to kiss that precious smile.

I found this prayer in amongst some other poems I’ve collected over the years. Isn’t it lovely and very true?

The love Mum’s have for their new-born baby is like nothing on earth, however it is comparable with the love God has for each one of us. That love which a Mother shows her child is one of the most important things a child will ever receive in its life. Therefore, for those of you who are Mum’s, God bless you, you do a fantastic job. To children old and young, say thank you to your Mum today, they do/have done so very much for you and have probably been taken for granted much of the time.

Mum’s are fab! Thank you Mum’s everywhere!