Posts Tagged ‘parent’

Smashed

Posted: October 14, 2017 in children, finance, friendship, life, mobile phone
Tags: ,

The other week during one of my usual lunchtime walks, I was walking through an area where there were some benches at either side of the pathway. There were quite a few people around, and as I got a few meters away from one of the benches, I was aware that there were three children – one about 10 or 11, the other two about 14 or 15 – climbing and jumping over the bench and attempting to get onto the wall that was immediately behind the bench.

As I got closer I realised two of the kids had mobiles in their hands and seemed to be struggling to keep their balance as they climbed/jumped from bench to wall. Then as I was passing them, I heard the girl saying to the two boys, “Don’t worry I’ll take it on my phone ’cause if I smash it Mum will just need to buy me a new one”!

I carried on walking, shocked by the statement the young girl had made. To be honest it shocked me that these kids didn’t seem to value their phones. i.e. They seemed to think a broken phone was easily replaced, because they didn’t appreciate how much a replacement phone would cost their parents.

While some will find that purchasing a replacement mobile phone is not a bank breaking expense, there are many who will! Money is not unlimited to the majority of us, so we take responsibility for our belongings – we take care of them and try not to damage them.

Are we losing the ability to appreciate how much items/belongings are worth? Do our children simply see that when something breaks or they want something, the money is available to purchase it, regardless of cost?

Yes, I was saddened by what I heard these children say, but I was probably more disappointed that they hadn’t been taught to value and look after their belonging.

Aunt Mae (Aug 2011)Today, the 23rd October, is another sad day for us, as today would have been my Aunt Mae’s 91st birthday.

It’s now just over 6 months since my Aunt Mae passed away, but just typing these words have started my tears flowing again. In many ways it seems like just yesterday Aunt Mae passed away, just 6 weeks after my Dad died. However in many other ways it seems like an eternity since both Aunt Mae and Dad were here with us.

I have thought of my Aunt Mae every day since she died.

I have shed many tears every day since Aunt Mae died.

I have missed my Aunt Mae every day since she died.

As Aunt Mae’s dementia worsened, she, just like my Dad, failed to recognised us or acknowledge that she knew us and latterly her personality completely changed, as she went from being a loving caring person to someone who was angry and aggressive…that just wasn’t my Aunt Mae. Having said that, during her final few days in the hospital, she did seem to have a the odd moment of clarity, as at one point when Mum apparently told her I was on my way in to see her she smiled and tried to say my name…

I am in no way saying there was no bond between Aunt Mae and the rest of my family, but I know there was always a special place in her heart for me, after all I was named after her as Mum and Dad gave me her name as my middle name, Mary.

These have been incredibly difficult months for my family, and my Mum in particular – Mum’s struggled to come to terms with the death of first my Dad and then Aunt Mae, but she’s getting there, as am I. I would however ask that today, as we remember my Aunt Mae in particular, on what would have been her birthday, that you continue to pray for us as we continue to grieve the death of two much-loved members of our family, my Aunt Mae and my Dad.

I love you Aunt Mae, and I miss you so much. You’ll always be in my thoughts and firmly in my heart. Dorothy xxx

tearsThere are some things which can seem endless. Some that are good and some not so good. Things like the love and support from family and friends can feel endless which is obviously good. While a continual string of bad or events which affect your life are the complete opposite.

I’ve felt for the last few years that my life has just been one constant struggle after another between my own health problems as well as health  problems and other issues affecting other members of my family. This has all culminated in the last few weeks with my Dad passing away and now my 90-year-old aunt being admitted to hospital a couple of weeks ago with a bad chest infection and not eating or drinking, and then just a few days ago being told my aunt had probably had a stroke and it was unlikely she’d pull through.

How does that make me feel? Well at times I question God, as I’m sure we all do sometimes, “why me?”, but other times I acknowledge that God wouldn’t let me go through these experiences if he didn’t think I could handle them.

That doesn’t make me feel any better during these tough days, and it of course doesn’t make my life any easier, but it does remind me that God lives me and walks beside me in all situations, even though it may feel to me that he’s deserted me.

So when you are going through what seems like an endless string of bad things, remember God is there and is supporting you in all at all times.

The following video of Susan Best singing God is Always There will hopefully help you remember that God is always there for you:

Ten weeks ago today I was at work when I got a phone call from my Mum to tell me Dad was being taken into hospital because he was dehydrated, as he was refusing to eat or drink very much. Ten weeks on and Dad’s still in hospital.

Dad’s been in I think, 5 different wards over that period, albeit the last two have been because he climbed out of bed a couple of weeks after he went into hospital, fell, hit his head and gave himself a cracker of a black eye, as well as fracturing his hip! This resulted in him having to be moved to another ward as he had to have an operation to fix his broken hip. He’s now in the hip fracture rehabilitation ward where he’s doing ok as far as his hip is concerned.

Initially when Dad went into hospital we were over there every day visiting him, which was very hard work for me with working full-time and then going straight from there to the hospital and not getting home until 8 or 9pm at night. Fortunately after a few weeks of this Mum realised this was too much for both of us, so we now just visit Dad every couple of days.

I know Mum wishes she could visit Dad every day, but to be honest, due to Dad’s dementia, he has no concept of how frequently or infrequently we visit, and in fact during many of our visits, refuses to speak to us or even open his eyes, as he’s happy to sleep all the time. Mum misses Dad greatly, which is only natural after more than 55 years of marriage, however Mum was no longer coping with Dad at home and we had already started proceedings to get Dad into a nursing home full-time, so Dad not being at home anymore, was always going to happen soon anyway, it’s just hospital he’s ended up in initially.

Even although it’s my Dad we’re visiting, I’m sorry to say I find it quite a chore. Don’t think it’s because I don;t love my Dad because I do, but as far as I’m concerned my Dad “died” a few years ago when his dementia meant he didn’t know me any more and he could no longer have a sensible conversation with us. Much of the time when we visit Dad he just sleeps, or sit/lies with his eyes shut unwilling to talk  or look at us. Mum is still making comments to Dad as if he’s going to get better and as if he can logically understand where he is and why. It’s sad but also frustrating.

I’m physically and emotionally shattered most of the time these days as it’s hard work working full-time and then spending time visiting someone in hospital and just sitting there for an hour or more without being able to have a conversation with them.

I feel really guilty for feeling like this, after all, it is my Dad I’m talking about, but sadly Dad isn’t going to get any better, so it’s only going to get harder.

Hopefully Dad will not be in hospital too much longer. Although he will never be home again, as he will only be discharged from hospital when he’s able to go straight into the nursing home which is just a few minutes away from Mum. At least when this happens, Mum will be able to go visit Dad whenever she wants and as frequently as she wants, without necessarily needing me to give her a lift.

So 10 weeks and counting…it’s been a long 10 weeks, but at least we know Dad’s in good hands and getting the best possible medical care.

I’ve been feeling really guilty about my feelings towards Dad, particularly when I go to visit him in the hospital.

Why? Because I find it incredibly difficult and if I’m truthful, boring. Dad is always so tired so just wants to sleep and even on the odd occasion when he is awake, we are unable to have any kind of conversation with him as most of what he says these days makes little sense.

I find it quite a chore to visit Dad as most of the time I’m just sitting there with him he dozes or sleeps, and has been known on a number of occasions to pull the sheets or pillows up over his head as if to tell us he’s not interested in talking to us. Even when I visit Dad when Mum’s with me, it’s still hard work, as Mum seems happy just to sit and look at Dad when he’s sleeping, and just hold his hand.

I now almost look forward to the odd day when I don’t go and see Dad as I do find it quite a chore to go and see him, and, I’m sorry to say, I often feel it’s a waste of time visiting

I know it’s my Dad, but to me my Dad “died” a long time ago and it’s just his body that’s still here. I often laugh at some of the things Dad says and does these days which I often think must seem really insensitive to others, but I know that’s just my way of coping with how Dad is these days. Although it seems to be my way of coping with current circumstances, I do feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way, because however you look at it, he’s still my Dad, and I still love Him, and always will!

Dementia is such a cruel illness, and affects not just the sufferer but their family and friends too. So today, I’d ask that you share a prayer for all those living with dementia, either because they suffer from it themselves, or they have a family member who is living with dementia.

I was chatting with a friend recently about how when you look back at some situations/circumstances you’ve been through in life, you now wonder, “How on earth did I get through that?“.

We all have times in our lives which challenge us to our limit, and which we find incredibly difficult to cope with at the time, but somehow or other, we do!

For some, these kind of situations arise when they have to deal with the death of a close family member or friend, or when they or a loved one suffers a serious illness.

I’ve had a couple of times in my life, that now I look back on them, I wonder how on earth I got through them. The most recent of these events I’ve talked about a few times in my blog, and that was when I became very ill a few years ago. The other occasion was a number of years ago, in fact 2 months after I got engaged, when my dad took seriously ill. To cut a long story short, hubby and I got engaged in the December and were due to get married the following August, but in the February my Dad took seriously ill. For a while it was touch and go whether he would survive and even if he did, whether he would be able to walk me down the aisle…

I was always a Daddy’s girl when I was growing up, and always into football, tennis and music, just as my Dad was. I think it was this that made it harder for me to comprehend what it would be possibly get married and my Dad not being there…those where very very difficult weeks and months.

As you’ll have gathered if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, my Dad did survive, and he was able to walk me down the aisle when I got married. Yes, Dad was quite slow at the walking and his Father’s speak was very short but I was just so happy he was able to share my wedding day with me after the uncertainty of whether he’d survive.

Looking back at those times when Dad was seriously ill and also more recently when I was very ill for a number of years, I have no idea how I got through those times. When I was ill I was in severe pain constantly yet I managed to keep working, although I do remember I spent a lot of time in the ladies toilets trying to keep myself in one piece and cope with my pain. As I consider my pain levels these days and how difficult I find things now, I find it incredible that I was able to carry on working during that time,as my pain levels now are a fraction of what they used to be and I know how difficult I find life now!

So how did I manage to get through those times?

During those times, particularly my own illness, I didn’t feel at the time that I was “getting through it”, and I certainly felt as if I was totally alone. However in hindsight, I now realise that at no time during either of those occasions or indeed any other time in my life, have I ever been on my own, because God as been firmly by my side, holding my hand and guiding my though those difficult times.

In fact these last few months when things have once again been very difficult due to hubby’s health problems, Dad’s dementia, supporting Mum and my own on-going health issues, I have kept reminding myself that God is with me during all of this, and He is there supporting me, even though at times it may not seem as if he is.

So how did I manage to get through my difficult times? I got through them with God’s help.

So no matter what you’re facing in life, do not think you’re ever on your own, because through it all, God will be with you.

I’ve been finding things quite difficult in the last while, supporting Mum as she cared for Dad at home, and supporting hubby. It’s felt at times as if no-one has been there to support me as I continue to struggle both physically and emotionally.

As you’ll know if you read my blog post yesterday (Even The Simple Things Are Forgotten) my Dad was taken into hospital on Wednesday suffering from dehydration as he wouldn’t eat or drink anything. Having spent hours in the hospital on Wednesday with Dad waiting for him to be admitted and then transferred to a ward, I was physically exhausted and due to the stress and supporting Mum, emotionally exhausted too. Since then we’ve visited Dad each day in hospital and that in itself is tough as he is just lying in bed with his eyes shut unable or unwilling to do more than respond occasionally to things we say to him…he looks so frail and helpless.

The other week I was chatting to a friend and we were talking about all the things that are going on in my life at present, and they asked me how I able to keep going. My honest answer to that question was, “not very easily“! Yes, while I’m in public I do my best to be strong and look completely in control, but underneath I’m struggling to keep it together and be strong for everyone around me. It would be a little easier if I was at least feeling pain-free all the time, but having to deal with all the things going on with various members of my family, and support them, as well as coping with severe pain levels at times is incredibly tough.

As far as how I cope with the situation with Dad, I think my automatic coping mechanism of seeing the funny side of everything definitely kicks in. Dad’s dementia means he has often said and done things which are quite funny on one hand, but when I think about the person he used to be, are incredibly sad and heartbreaking. Whenever anyone asks about Dad I find myself almost smiling and joking about it all the time, simply because it’s how I keep myself together and don’t fall apart. So if you’ve spoken to me and thought I seemed to make light of Dad’s situation please realise it’s just the way I cope with it, as I am deeply upset and saddened by what has happened to him, and I certainly do not find it funny in any way.

So my assessment of how I’m coping with life at present is I’m Getting By.

I pray every day that God will continue to give me the strength and the words to continue to support and help Mum and hubby. It sometimes has felt as though I’m on my own in this, but my faith keep reminding me that I’m never alone, because no matter what I’m facing, God is with me, supporting me.

I pray that if you are simply “getting by” in life too, you will always remember that God is with you through it all.

 Your children!

There are plenty of people who would love to have children but for one reason or another are unable to.

There are loads of people who have children but because of family circumstances they never see or have contact with their children.

There are those who have sadly lost their children…I’m sure they think of their children daily.

Isn’t it sad that there can be so many people around us who are grieving in some way for children; whether that be a child that has died, a child they have lost contact with, or indeed a child they have never even had!

Isn’t it even sadder that we hear and see so many stories in the news of people who have physically or emotionally abused a child…a child who in many instances, probably trusted that adult to look after and care for them, but instead did unspeakable thing to them which the child will never fully recover from.

It’s because of this that I urge you to never ever take your children for granted…by “your children” I of course am not just talking about any children you are the parent of, but also any children who is in your care at any time!

Children should be able to trust adults to look after and care for them, and teach/show them only what is good, it’s therefore down to us to make sure we do all we can to make sure we do all we can for the children.

The last couple of days I’ve been thinking about the image of Christ and also our own image and whether we look and act like other members of our family. Well today, something slightly different, but still on the subject of image…

I’m going to show my age in this blog post by commenting on “youngsters these days”!

Here goes…

Image seems to mean so much to teenagers and young adults these days, that they seem to want to spend lots of their money on cosmetics and fashion items. This seems so different from when I was that age…though maybe I’m just getting forgetful in my old age! Lol

I certainly never had the money to go and buy myself lots of makeup and fashion clothes when I was a teenager, and it wasn’t that I was the only one who was like this, it just wasn’t the done thing a few years ago. Even when I started working, the things I bought with my wages were things I needed as a necessity. i.e. Work clothes. Buying some great fashion item or new makeup was a luxury I had to save up for, and to  be honest I think I appreciated my things more than I think kids these days do.

Here’s a question for you – Are the kids these days getting so much pocket money and so much freedom to spend their money, that they can buy whatever they desire?

Personally I think these days children are trying to “grow-up” and pretend they are adults long before they really are adults. I know some of the reason for this is probably down to the strong influences they see on TV from pop stars and other celebrities but this doesn’t make it right!

I know what I have just said is a massive generalisation, however I firmly believe that we should allow our children to look and act like children, not dress themselves up in clothes and makeup to make themselves look 5 or 10 years older than they actually are.

After all, how many people do you know who are well into their adult years who are still very immature, both in the way they act and in the real-life experiences they have had?

Childhood is a major part of every person’s life, it’s when we learn most and probably also when we are free to have more fun in our lives than we maybe are when we’re older and have the responsibilities that go with that (e.g. mortgage, work, children etc).

Please encourage your children to be children rather than pretending to be someone/something they are not…they need their childhood!

Do you think having money automatically means you are happy?

I don’t think so! We just need to read or listen to the news most days to hear about some celebrity or other who is splitting up with heir partner/husband/wife, or gone into some clinic somewhere to “deal with” their issues.

While I don’t believe money automatically mean you will be happy, I do believe that those who have enough money to put a roof over their head, and feed and clothe themselves are certainly happier than those who have no home and no food.

But what a minute, have you ever noticed how when we see pictures from third world countries where they have been given food, water, help…and dare I say hope, they always seem so happy and grateful for the little they now have. i.e. There are an awful lot of people in this world would be so very very happy to have, what to you and I would seem like a very small amount of money.

So maybe when you have no money, nothing, having money does equal happiness and those who have a lot of money just prove that having loads of money does not automatically mean you will be happy.

Maybe those with lots of money should just give some of their money to those who have none! Now there’s a novel idea!