Posts Tagged ‘perfectionist’

I’m sure I’ve told you before, but for those who haven’t been reading my blog for long, I am a perfectionist. As such, no matter how well or otherwise, I do something, I always think I could do better. I know it’s always good to challenge ourselves to improve ourselves, however it is important to always remind ourselves that we are not perfect, and never will be!

It took me a lot of years before I came to realise this, and then started being kinder to myself, in the knowledge that just because I don’t do something perfectly, doesn’t make me a failure.

In fact it’s only when I accepted that I can never be perfect I realised that it is actually ok not to be perfect, because even when I do fail, God will take care of me.

We’re not perfect, so if like me, you’re a perfectionist, remind yourself that it is in fact ok not to be perfect. God loves us just the way we are, and when we seek his guidance, he will help us improve ourselves. We will never be perfect, but that’s ok because God accepts us just the way we are.

When you look in the mirror, who or what do you see? A loving caring person your love or someone you hardly recognise that you’re not particularly fond of?

We all have feeling and opinions about others, as well as about ourselves. Sadly for many of us, we are more likely to be harder on ourselves, or less positive about ourselves, than we are about other people. Why is that, when we know ourselves much better than we know others?

I know for myself as a perfectionist, I do set my expectations of myself higher, because if I can’t meet my  targets/expectations, how can I expect others to?

I came across this quote recently, and it is a great reminder that we really shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves, but instead be positive about what we do achieve, just as we would (or should do) with other’s achievements.

We can all be critics sometimes can’t we? We’re all have opinions about what is good or bad, right or wrong for someone to do or say in specific situations or circumstances.

When it comes to our own lives, our thoughts and actions, are we as critical of ourselves as we are of others? I guess that depends on the type of person we are – I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m a perfectionist, and so I admit it, I am my own worst critic. I expect myself to do and say everything to the high standards I expect of myself, however in reality my expectations of myself are usually far too high, and so I end up giving myself a hard time because in my eyes I have failed.

 

Why am I my worst critic? I know I set my expectations of myself way to high – That in itself is fine as it’s great to aim high, however I know I shouldn’t give myself such a hard time when I don’t live up to my own expectations.

If I don’t live up to my own expectations of myself, how can I ever live up to God’s expectations! The difference is God is realistic about what I can do and will only expect we to do what He knows I’m capable of with His help.

If like me you’re you own worst critic, give yourself some slack, you’re human, you’re not perfect. However if we put our faith and trust in God, He can help us become more like Him, and in doing so we will become better people.

I’ve done a few Word Associations with you over the last while, and today it’s time for another one. So as usual I’m going to throw some words at you, and I want you to note down the first word that comes into your mind when you read each word.

So here goes…

  1. Patrol
  2. Word
  3. Perfect
  4. Belief
  5. Fish
  6. Ocean
  7. Hair
  8. Glass
  9. Orchid
  10. Heater

wordsSo how did you get on with those words? Did you find it easy? Did your answers surprise you or were they just as you expected?

Well here’s my responses to my questions:

  1. Police
  2. Dictionary
  3. Mistake
  4. God
  5. Chippy
  6. Disaster
  7. Colour
  8. Eyes
  9. Christmas
  10. Gas

I still believe that when we respond with the first words that come into our minds, our answers tell us a lot about our emotional state, and what’s important to us at that particular point in time.

Bearing all this in mind, review your answers, does my theory hold true?

By the way, if you want me to explain any of my answers, just ask!

Chaos – The word normally makes us think of unwanted disorganisation or confusion.

Are you the kind of person who likes or enjoys chaos, or do you prefer everything to be planned and scheduled so you always know what and when things will happen?

While I admit to being someone who like to be organised, and have a plan or list of tasks, I also must admit I like a little bit of chaos sometimes…but just a little bit! There’s something kind of invigorating and refreshing about not knowing what’s going to happen next, or even when it’s going to happen. However for me, it’s got to still be a ‘controlled’ chaos, particularly if it’s chaos in an area or subject matter I am involved in.

Why? Because I’m a perfectionist, and so I like order, planning and someone to be in control.

I will admit that a little bit of chaos is probably good for me sometimes, as it takes me out of my comfort zone, and make me deal with or cope with a situation or circumstances I’m not comfortable with. Getting outside our comfort zone, can be good for us all sometimes. I just hope I don’t have to cope with too many chaotic situations though!

What do you think it means to give you best?

I am a perfectionist, so for me, giving of my best means doing everything to the best of my ability. Unfortunately I am guilty of expecting too much from myself at times, so can set unrealistic targets. That is all fine, as long as I realise while I’m doing something that I need to reset my targets so they are achievable.

That’s fine for me, but what about you, do you give more than you should, meaning you end up physically/emotionally hurting yourself?

Please don’t as nothing and no-one is really worth it. Just do what you can, that is all others, and you, should expect of you.

We all want to be the best we can be at everything we do, don’t we?

I for one certainly want to be a better person.

I also want to be better at all I do…but then that’s the perfectionist coming out in me!

So here what we each need to be…

 

I don’t think most of us realise how amazing we are – We focus on all the things about ourselves that we don’t like, and would want to change; We see the negatives and ignore all the positives about ourselves.

For me, as a perfectionist, and therefore expect me to do everything perfectly all the time, or I am disappointed and annoyed at myself. Having recognised this a while ago, I’m not nearly as hard on myself as I used to be, however I still do not considered myself to be amazing, as I continue to see all my imperfections.

How about you, how do you see yourself? Amazing, imperfect, a work in progress…

A much as we are all different, with different personalities, underneath we’re all the same – God created each of us individually, with amazing personalities and amazing prospects for our future!

Cos we are amazing
If only we could believe that it’s all in His hands
We’re a part of a plan that’s much bigger than us
Yes we are amazing
There’s nothing we can’t achieve
and we don’t need to change
So I’m gonna stay, just the way God made me

Let’s celebrate how amazing we are today!

I am amazing by Philippa Hanna

I don’t wanna waste anymore time in the mirror
Watching my face never change I don’t feel beautiful today
I don’t waste anymore hard earned cash on these ‘miracles’
That never change the way I feel, don’t make me beautiful today
How long can I hide-away beneath this disguise?
And what drastic measure do I have to take to realise…

That I am amazing, in spite of what I can see,
When I look at myself wishing I could be anyone other than me
Cos I was created
With everything I could ever need
So I’m not gonna change
I’m gonna stay just the way God made me

I’m not gonna take
Anymore of these lies they’ve been feeding me
Not gonna listen to the voices of my enemies today
With my feet on solid ground
I’m gonna turn it all around
Because it’s time I realised I’m truly beautiful inside
How long can I hide-away beneath this disguise?
And what drastic measure do I have to take to realise…

That I am amazing, in spite of what I can see,
When I look at myself wishing I could be anyone other than me
Cos I was created
With everything I could ever need
So I’m not gonna change
I’m gonna stay just the way God made me

And who am I to say that I could do a better job than him?

Cos we are amazing
If only we could believe that it’s all in His hands
We’re a part of a plan that’s much bigger than us
Yes we are amazing
There’s nothing we can’t achieve
and we don’t need to change
So I’m gonna stay, just the way God made me

Not gonna listen to the voices of my enemies today

approval

As a perfectionist I must admit that it can be difficult to be ok with what I do sometimes when it doesn’t measure up to the high expectations I place on myself. Over the years I have come to realise that this is both a curse and a blessing which I know might sound like a complete contradiction, so let me explain…

  • A blessing because in expecting perfection in all I do it drives me to do my best in everything.
  • A curse because in expecting perfection from myself, I set my expectations far to high so I fail which in turn means I chastise myself because I’ve not don’t things perfectly.

I am still a perfectionist, and I guess I always will be, but I try not to be as critical of myself when I don’t succeed as I maybe used to be…though I am still feel disappointed with myself when I don’t do things 100% right!

How can I expect other’s to accept me for who and what I am, if I can’t accept myself, faults, failures and flaws!

Following on from yesterday’s blog post Perfectionists, I just had to share this quote from Joyce Meyer:

Don’t be angry with yourself if you are imperfect while you are improving

A reminder maybe for all us perfectionists, that as long as we recognise that we are perfectionists, we can learn to accept imperfections in others and in ourselves…or at least some of them! 🙂

searching for perfection