I’ve been feeling really guilty about my feelings towards Dad, particularly when I go to visit him in the hospital.
Why? Because I find it incredibly difficult and if I’m truthful, boring. Dad is always so tired so just wants to sleep and even on the odd occasion when he is awake, we are unable to have any kind of conversation with him as most of what he says these days makes little sense.
I find it quite a chore to visit Dad as most of the time I’m just sitting there with him he dozes or sleeps, and has been known on a number of occasions to pull the sheets or pillows up over his head as if to tell us he’s not interested in talking to us. Even when I visit Dad when Mum’s with me, it’s still hard work, as Mum seems happy just to sit and look at Dad when he’s sleeping, and just hold his hand.
I now almost look forward to the odd day when I don’t go and see Dad as I do find it quite a chore to go and see him, and, I’m sorry to say, I often feel it’s a waste of time visiting
I know it’s my Dad, but to me my Dad “died” a long time ago and it’s just his body that’s still here. I often laugh at some of the things Dad says and does these days which I often think must seem really insensitive to others, but I know that’s just my way of coping with how Dad is these days. Although it seems to be my way of coping with current circumstances, I do feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way, because however you look at it, he’s still my Dad, and I still love Him, and always will!
Dementia is such a cruel illness, and affects not just the sufferer but their family and friends too. So today, I’d ask that you share a prayer for all those living with dementia, either because they suffer from it themselves, or they have a family member who is living with dementia.