Busy day even after i left work. Niw finally get to sit n chill...thinking the chances of me falling asleep on sofa r quite high tonite #fb22 hours ago
In the last couple of months I’ve spoken several times about how I’ve felt as if I’m running on auto pilot. But do you understand what i mean?
A pilot is normally associated with aeroplanes, however a pilot is really just described as someone who leads or guides. So for me what that meant was, I was going through the motions, doing and saying all the things I was supposed to without really feeling as though I was really there or really in control of what I was saying or doing…I was there in person but my mind was definitely elsewhere thinking about my Dad and my Aunt Mae who died within 6 weeks of one another earlier this year.
I am just thankful that particularly in these last couple of months, I’ve had a great pilot to guide me…Jesus!
I’m reminded of a chorus we used to sing:
I have a pilot who guides meNight and day;Through cloud and sunshine I trust him,Come what may.Dangers may threaten but I never fear;I’m full of confidence while he is near;I have a pilot who guides meAlong life’s way.
I have certainly found those words reassuring in the last while, I hope you do too.
It’s been another sad day today, as just 5 weeks after saying our final farewells to my Dad, we said a final farewell to my Aunt Mae, Mary Waddell Gilchrist (23/10/1922 – 03/04/2013).
My intention again today, just at it had been on the day of my Dad’s funeral (see the blog post Farewell), was to write a tribute to my Aunt Mae, but I’m afraid again it’s just too soon for me to be able to write anything that would do her justice. At some point in the coming weeks I hope to write tributes to both Dad and Aunt Mae, but for today I simply want to say thank you.
Thank you to so many of you who have offered words of comfort and solace to me, Mum and Sandy over these last few weeks as first we lost my Dad, and then my Aunt Mae. I really can’t express strongly enough just how much your support in person, by phone and/or card, has meant to us all.
To those of you who have helped us get everything sorted out for today, I’d like to say a huge thank you to you.
To the many of you who shared with us today at Rutherglen Salvation Army for the service of thanksgiving, then at Rutherglen cemetery, and then afterwards back at Rutherglen Salvation Army for refreshments, thank you for taking the time to support us on this most difficult of days, as I’m sure it was very much appreciated by all my family. I’m sure my Aunt Mae would have been embarrassed by all that has been said about her today, but as far as I’m concerned, it simply shows the huge impact and influence Aunt Mae had on the many people she met during her lifetime.
I’ll miss you Aunt Mae, and just as I said about my Dad a few weeks ago, I will never ever forget you.
It’s been a sad day today, as we said a final farewell to be Dad, Edwin (Eddie) Robert Johnson (25/04/1927 – 21/02/2013).
My intention had been to write a tribute to my Dad today, but I’m afraid it’s just too soon for me to be able to write anything that would do my Dad justice, so I’ll save my thoughts for another day once Mum, Sandy and me get back to some kind of normality.
So today, I simply want to express my gratitude to everyone who has offered support and love to us during these difficult days either by phoned, in person or have sent us cards. You will never now how much your support has meant to us all.
To those of you who have helped us get everything sorted out for the funeral today and helped with the funeral itself, a huge thank you.
To the many of you who shared with us today at the crematorium and then afterwards at the hotel, thank you for taking the time to support us on this most difficult of days, again it was very much appreciated by us. I’m sure my Dad would have been embarrassed by all that has been said about him today and also by the number of you who attended his funeral, but as far as I’m concerned, it simply shows the huge impact and influence my Dad had on so many lives.
I can think of one or two and I’m sure there are plenty of others, however there is one particular moment which I find still haunts me to this moment.
Of all the daft things I’ve done in my time, I’m not sure why this particular moment sticks out in my memory more than any other.
So first let me build you a picture of the time and situation…I was probably about 19 or 20, so it was a few years ago! It was a Sunday morning and as usual my dad gave me a lift to our Sunday morning meeting…at this time my mum had stopped attending the salvation army for a short time, my dad never attended but still willingly gave me a lift to the hall.
At this particular time I was still attending Rutherglen salvation army however it was while our new hall was being built so we shared church halls with one of our local churches.
At this time I was had been a senior soldier in the salvation army for a year or two, and at that time we were wearing the older style uniform which meant that yes, I was one of those ones who wore the funny hat which we called a bonnet!
…and that’s where my embarrassment started!
Those bonnets had a couple of bows at the side which in order to keep them from getting squashed or flattened when stored, we used to keep rolled up tissue paper in them.
Have you guessed where I’m going with this yet?
Well this particular Sunday morning I remember I was running a little later so was rushing to get ready and get to the hall in time, so I forgot to take the white tissue paper out of the bows in my bonnet!!!
Well fortunately for me I didn’t get too far into the hall before someone told me what I’d done. That didn’t stop my embarrassment of course as I still felt everyone had seen me and everyone was laughing at me…
So there you go that’s my most embarrassing moment. I know it’s maybe no that bad but it was for me, and I still feel mortified by it! I guess that says more about me than about what happened. I’ve always felt as tho I’ve struggled to be accepted and doing stupid things such as this just highlighted that I was (and still am) a quiet n shy individual and gave more reason for others to ridicule me unnecessarily just because I was being me!
Maybe this story explains one of the reasons I was never a great fan of the bonnet, and am so happy we now only wear our bowlers when we’re outside or at funerals!
If you’ve been following my Tweets in the last week, you’ll be aware that I’ve been on holiday from work since Thursday of last week. The main reason I took the time off was because last Thursday my Dad, who suffers from vascular dementia was going into a local care home for a week’s respite care, to give my Mum a break – My Mum still cares for Dad 24/7 at home, and has been finding it increasingly difficult to cope.
So last Thursday afternoon, Mum and I took Dad to the care home. When we got there, we were waiting for Dad’s assigned carer to come and get us and take us to Dad’s room to get him settled in, when Dad burst out crying…it was heartbreaking to see, and Mum got a bit upset, but it was simply because Dad didn’t know where he was (despite us telling him lots of times) or why he was there (again, despite us having told him a number of times).
So we got Dad settled into his room, and Joan, his assigned carer said she’d take Dad along to the day room and get him a cup of tea and a biscuit, so Mum decided we should just go then, rather than stay and confuse Dad. As we were getting ready to go, Mum told Dad we’d be back to take him home in a week so he just had to stay here for a few days. Dad’s response to this was, “Thank goodness for that, as I don’t want to stay here!”. Probably not the best thing Mum could have heard before we left Dad, but then we have to remember that in 2 minutes time Dad will have forgotten what we’ve told him anyway. Having said that it didn’t stop Mum getting a wee bit upset again as we left Dad – It must be hard after being married for well over 50 years and now seeing Dad like this…
Anyway, onto cheerier things…over the last week while Dad was in the care home, I spent some time with Mum every day, either going for a meal and/or going to various shopping centres for a wander round the shops, as well as doing our usual weekly supermarket shopping. The first couple of days Mum still seemed quite tense and stressed, although after that I think she began to relax and seemed to enjoy her “free-time“, even although every day she did still tell me she missed Dad.
Before we knew it, the week was over and so yesterday (Thursday) it was time to go back to the care home and collect Dad and bring him home. When I got over to Mum and Dad’s to pick Mum up to head down to the care home, Mum seemed quite stressed and was quite nippy with me several times, although maybe that was because she was worried about Dad as the care home had phoned her this morning to say Dad had a urine infection. Mind you they’s told her there was a prescription ready for Dad at our health centre, and instead of just leaving it there so we could pick it up when we were on our way to the care home to collect Dad, Mum got a bus down to the health centre this morning and collected the prescription and then got the medication at the chemist! I was a wee bit annoyed at her for that as she has a sore back/hip and so walking to/from the bus/health centre would not have done her back/hip much good…particularly when we could easily have collected it on our way past the health centre to the care home!
When we got to the care home, Dad was sitting in the day room with several other folk, with some music playing in the background. The worst thing about it was Dad didn’t know who Mum was! He seemed to know he knew her, but she had to explain who she was…that was sad. We brought Dad home, and all the way home in the car and when we got back to their house, he kept telling us he had no idea where he was, where he was going or why…that was sad.
When we got back to Mum and Dad’s house Mum opened the door and went in, Dad just stood on the doorstep - Mum told him to come in, and he said he’d come in in a minute. Mum told him to come in again, and Dad got annoyed and shouted,”Alright I’ll come in then!” – Argument number 1 already.
It funny in a sad way, as Mum and Dad very rarely ever argued when I was growing up, and when they did it was usually over something I had done (or not done!). However these days, Dad does get quite annoyed and a bit verbally aggressive towards Mum at times, but although we know it’s simply one of the side-effects of his dementia, it’s still upsetting for Mum.
So Dad’s back home with Mum again. I just hope that this last week when Dad’s had his week’s respite care, that I have been able to help Mum relax and recharge, so she is able to care for Dad at home again. It’s been a tough week for Mum not having Dad with her, but knowing she needed a break and that he’s getting well looked after. It’s also been a tough week for me, as I am finding it hard trying to stay positive and strong for Mum (as well as for hubby with his illness), I’m not complaining just wanting to point out to you all that when someone in your family suffers from dementia, it not only affects their carer(s), but their whole family.
Mum tells me she prays for patience a lot, and I can understand why, as I too pray for patience daily. Although we both need patience in different ways, I am sure God can, and will, answer our prayers for patience.
I’d ask that if you are a praying kind of person, you pray for my Mum and Dad, and that Mum will find the patience and strength to provide the care dad needs, without detriment to her own health. Thank you.
No I haven’t got the year wrong, I meant to give this a ten-year-old title!
Why? Because Easter weekend 10 years ago marked the start of a new era in my Christian journey. Easter 2002 was the first weekend that I no long attended Rutherglen Salvation Army, but Bellshill corps instead. I’d been attending evening meetings and band practices at Bellshill for a couple of months prior to this, and had decided to transfer from Rutherglen to Bellshill, and Easter for the start of my Bellshill experience.
My lasting memory of my first full weekend at Bellshill Salvation Army on Easter Sunday was the senior band playing one of my all time band pieces, The Light Of The World. I have always loved this band piece and the message it gives us, not just for Easter, but for every day of the year.
These last ten years have been some of the most enjoyable and inspirational of my life…the highlight has most definitely been the tour of the Netherlands, Germany and Belgium, I had the privilege of being part of during Easter 2003.
But then, if I’m honest there have been far more lows in my life during these last 10 years, particularly with my health and then the health of several other close family members, all of which is still ongoing.
During the lows of these years I did question if God was still there, and I did feel abandoned by Him. However God had not deserted me, He simply answered my prayers later than I’d hoped and in a different way than I’d expected. God got me through those tough times, and I continue to rely on Him for the strength I need for each day, but my faith in Him is now strong than I think it’s ever been. Put simply, through it all I chose to serve my Saviour!
Maybe it’s because of the new beginning in my life 10 years ago, that have subsequently brought me closer to God, but Easter is special to me. For me Easter is more special to me than even Christmas. Easter though is not important to me simply because of event in my life, it’s important to me, because of its significance to me as a Christian…Jesus is the light of the world, and for me He always will be. I pray you too will find Christ to be your light of the world.
I hope you receive many blessing as you listen to The Light of The World:
O Jesus, Thou art standing, outside the fast closed door,In lowly patience waiting to pass the threshold o’er: Shame on us, Christian brothers, His Name and sign who bear, O shame, thrice shame upon us, to keep Him standing there!O Jesus, Thou art knocking; and lo, that hand is scarred, And thorns Thy brow encircle, and tears Thy face have marred: O love that passeth knowledge, so patiently to wait!O sin that hath no equal, so fast to bar the gate!O Jesus, Thou art pleading in accents meek and low, “I died for you, My children, and will you treat Me so?” O Lord, with shame and sorrow we open now the door; Dear Savior, enter, enter, and leave us nevermore.
Last Saturday in Respite Care Request I spoke about how this week my Dad, who suffers from vascular dementia, was going into a local care home (David Walker Gardens) for a week’s respite care, to give my Mum, who cares for Dad at home, a rest.
I had taken Monday off so that I could help Mum get Dad ready to go to the care home, and then obviously take him there. I didn’t sleep terribly well on Sunday night as I kept thinking about how sad it was that Dad’s condition had deteriorated so much that he now relies completely on others to do just about everything for him now.
I was at the doctors early on Monday morning and when I got home, I got a phone call from Mum – she was getting a bit stressed as Dad was refusing to get out of bed and didn’t want to go to the care home. I tried to reassure Mum that as Dad was likely to forget within a few minutes, the conversation he’d just had with her, he’d probably get up in a wee while and be ok about going to the care home. I agreed to have my lunch and then head over to help get Dad ready.
When I got over to Mum and Dad’s, Dad was up and dressed, although Mum intercepted me at the front door to tell me Dad was still refusing to go to the care home. Mum had packed a small case for Dad, so I took that out to the car before Dad even knew I had got there. We managed to convince Dad to come out with us, by telling him we were going to see my Aunt – my Aunt lives at the same care home my Dad was going into for the week.
When we got to the care home, I think Dad had completely forgotten our earlier discussions, as he was fine when we went to his room, with his suitcase and then left him in the hands of the care worker. That was the tough bit, leaving Dad, and I know it was even harder for Mum.
As with the last time in November when Dad went into the same place for a week, Mum and I agreed we should not go and visit Dad during the week – in some ways this sounds harsh as I know Dad will be totally confused about where he is and why he;s there, however how is Mum going to get a break and relax if we keep going to visit Dad each day?
I was working on Tuesday and Wednesday, but after work both days I spent some time with Mum after I finished at work – going for coffee, shopping or dinner on both nights.
On Thursday Mum had one of her friends round for coffee and a blether in the morning, and in the afternoon Mum and me dealt with some of my Aunts business and then we headed to Silverburnshopping centre, for a wander round the shops and some dinner. Now here’s the surprise, between us we only bought one thing at the shops! – Mum bought herself a jumper. By the time I got home I was feeling really sore and very tired, so just spent the rest of the evening relaxing, despite all the housework needing done.
On Friday, Mum wasn’t feeling 100% so rather than go for a run in the car somewhere as we’d previously planned (which fitted in fine as both hubby and me weren’t feeling 100% either), we just went out for a sandwich for our lunch and then I picked up a few bits of shopping. Mum said she was quite happy to just spend the rest of the day herself relaxing.
Today, I was at the hairdressers in the morning, and when I was finished there, Mum and me headed out to the shops for a wee while. We’d planned to go through to Stirling with my hubby but he still wasn’t feeling too good.
The week’s been a mixture of ups and downs – between Dad going into the care home, some issues I had to get resolved at work, being in a lot of pain quite a few days this week, and feeling (and being) very emotional quite a lot, which if you know me at all will know I find it very difficult letting others see my emotions, so it’s been a all round tough week.
Part of me is glad this week is over, but part of me wishes it wouldn’t end, as although I hate the thought of Dad being in a care home, I know it’s what is needed to give Mum a well-earned rest from caring for Dad at home 24/7. Personally I don;t think Mum’s going to be able to care for Dad at home all that much longer as she’s finding it more and more difficult as Dad’s condition deteriorates, and his needs become more demanding on her.
We go to collect Dad from the care home and take him home on Monday, so I’d appreciate your prayers for Mum and Dad on Monday, as it’s likely to be difficult, as Dad will be very confused about what’s going on and where he is. The social worker assigned to my Mum and Dad is due to visit my Mum again in the next week or two to “discuss the future”, so I’d ask that you pray for Mum, Dad and the social worker,that the right decisions might be made for both Mum and Dad so that they can both live a comfortable life – I know there’s going to come a time soon when Dad needs to go into a care home full-time. When that time comes, it’s going to be tough, but ultimately I know looking after Dad 24/7 is definitely having a detrimental impact on Mum’s quality of life and her health.
Thank you all for your continued support during these difficult times for my family.
Do you believe in God? Do you believe in the power of prayer?
If you answered yes to those questions, I’d like to ask for you support in prayer in this coming week…
My Dad suffers from vascular dementia and over the last year or two his condition has deteriorated very quickly. So much so that he is barely able to di anything for himself now. He is still living at home (at present), where my Mum cares for him 24/7.
Mum has been finding it more and more difficult to cope with Dad over the last little while and has been talking about it maybe going to be time for Dad to go into care permanently, soon.
In November last year Dad went for a weeks respite care to the same care home my aunt (my Mum’s sister) lives in full-time. Although my Dad remembered nothing of his time there, the break did do my Mum the world of good, especially as the staff at the care home were able to reassure Mum that Dad had settled in ok.
Within a few weeks of Dad’s week in respite care, the social worker had got Mum to agree to putting Dad’s name down again for another week’s respite…there’s about an 8 week waiting list!
That’s the background to my prayer request today. So here’s why I’m asking for your prayers…on Monday, Dad is going back to the same care home for another week’s respite care so Mum can get a well earned break again.
Although Mum needs the break and is looking forward to having time for her rather than caring for Dad 24/7, I know she will really miss him, and she’s not the only one, as I’ll miss him too. The social worker who is dealing with Dad told us it was better not to visit Dad while he was in the care home, just so Mum could get a complete break – Mum did of course phone then nearly every day to check that Dad was ok.
Personally, I never ever wanted Mum or Dad to have to go into a care home, however I know how much Mum is struggling to cope with looking after Dad these days, so in that sense I’m glad Dad is going for respite care on Monday. That said, even although we’ve done this before, it’s still going to be a tough day taking Dad to the care home and leaving him there for a whole week.
While Dad in respite care next week, Mum will get a good chance to relax plus do exactly what she wants to do with no time constraints. I’ve taken a few days off too, so will spend those days with Mum and maybe go for a run in the car somewhere different, just for a change.
In closing, I would therefore like to ask you to pray for Mum and Dad next week as Dad goes in for a week’s respite care – I know Mum would appreciate it too if you would pray for them.
Christ In MeChrist of Glory, Prince of PeaceLet thy life in mine increaseThough I live may it be shownTis thy life and not my ownDwell within that men may seeChrist in meChrist the living Christ in meAnswer now my soul’s desirePurge my heart with holy fireSoothe the hurt with gentle balmBreathe within my life thy charmFill me now so shall there beChrist in meChrist the holy Christ in meGracious Lord thy grace applyBoth to save and sanctifyAll my life wilt thou controlCalmly ordering the wholeThat the world my ever seeChrist in meChrist and only ChristChrist and only ChristChrist and only Christ in meChrist and only Christ in me
I know I used the above song in yesterday’s blog post (Image – Part 4 of 4), however I make no apologies for using it again today. I think the words of this song are ones which maybe we all need to pray far more often than we actually do.
Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God‘s glory
As I listened to the above song when I was writing yesterday’s blog post a whole load of memories can flooding back to me – When I was songster leader at Rutherglen Salvation Army, this was one of the songs I used to lead them in, and it was one of my favourites. It was one of those songs, of which I’ve found only a few over the years, that when we sang it it made the hairs on the back on my neck stand up and send a shiver down my spine…I believe that was because Christ was with us, and speak to me through that song.
It is quite a challenge isn’t it, ensuring other see Christ in us?
Is Christ the only one that others can see in you?
My honest answer would have to be that many times it is not Christ people will see in me.
However I pray that as I continue to recognise my failings and weaknesses,and let God into more of my life, He will continue to strengthen me and calmly order my life so that the world my only see Christ in me.
I pray you too may continue to grow in Christ so that other will see Christ in you.
I’m sure you will have heard this phrase many times:
Home is where the heart is
But what does that actually mean? Well here’s a great definition I came across a few days ago:
When I walk into my home I feel peace. I feel I am in the most safe environment that I could be in. There are no worries or problems within the walls of my home. It is the one place that I can truly be me. My family is here and love and comfort surrounds me. I am in my world where everything around is me. To know that this is the place where my family and myself have established together and that we all have our special space within our home and spaces where we can come together is why our home is where our hearts are.
How does that definition sound to you?
For me I still think of myself as having three homes…no we’re not really really rich and got two secret hideaways!
My current home is definitely here with my hubby of seventeen years. Just as the above definition says, my home is where my family (hubby) is and love and comfort surrounds me. What more could I ask for?!
So I have my current home with hubby, but a very close run second home to me is still my Mum and Dad’s house where I lived from aged 10 until I got married. Mum and Dad still live in that house and so again, just like the above definition says, it’s a place where my family are and we love and comfort one another. Once again, what more could I ask for?!
Finally, my third “home”…This one’s a bit different because it’s not a place I’ve every lived and is unlikely to ever be one where I would live, however it is still “home” to me. Confused? Let me explain…
I’m sure you’ve probably heard the expression “spiritual home”, well that’s what my third home is, it’s my spiritual home!
So where is my spiritual home? It’s not as you might think, my current church and place of worship. No, it’s Rutherglen Salvation Army, the corps I grew up in, and worshipped there until 2002 when I transferred to Bellshill Salvation Army. Does that surprise you? In some ways it still surprises me, however when I think about how much I learned as a Christian and all I participated in at Rutherglen, it shouldn’t really surprise me…I became a junior soldier, later a senior soldier of the Salvation Army there; I was a member of both the junior and senior bands and choirs; I was a member of the Corps Cadets; I was the YP Record Sargeant for many years; I was singing company and then songster accompanist; I was deputy songster leader and then songster leader; but most importantly I learned and grew as a Christian and Salvationist.
My Mum’s side of the family were some of the founding members of Rutherglen Salvation Army, I have a heritage at Rutherglen, my past, present and future were moulded there…Rutherglen Salvation Army is most definitely my spiritual home.
Take a few minutes out to consider the place or places you consider to be home, and why. These places have moulded you and made you the person you are today.
I thank God for allowing me to lucky enough to have three places I can call home.
Home by Nichole Nordeman
Bright are the stars that shine in somebody else’s sky Green is the grass that grows some place different More possibilities, more than You offered me More than I care to see from a distance
I was certain that the truth would be In a place that kept eluding me But every stone turned and unturned again Would only serve to prove That I never had to move to find You
And You will always be The only love I’ll ever know, home And You have made for me The only place I’ll ever go, home
God, for the shameless pride The times when I rolled my eyes To laugh at simplicity, show me mercy Knowing what I know now it’s hard to imagine how I could feel anything but unworthy
And the mystery of Your love for me Is not as hidden as it seemed to be Should have known then when You said to me ‘Seek and you will find’ It was right here all the time
And You will always be The only love I’ll ever know, home And You have made for me The only place I’ll ever go, home
I believe in the quest and the journey I believe that the answers come in time And where we begin is where we arrive
And You will always be The only love I’ll ever know, home And You have made for me The only place I’ll ever go, home
At this time I was had been a senior soldier in the salvation army for a year or two, and at that time we were wearing the older style uniform which meant that yes, I was one of those ones who wore the funny hat which we called a bonnet!
So last Thursday afternoon, Mum and I took Dad to the care home. When we got there, we were waiting for Dad’s assigned 
When we got to the care home, Dad was sitting in the day room with several other folk, with some music playing in the background. The worst thing about it was Dad didn’t know who Mum was! He seemed to know he knew her, but she had to explain who she was…that was sad. We brought Dad home, and all the way home in the car and when we got back to their house, he kept telling us he had no idea where he was, where he was going or why…that was sad.
Last Saturday in 
The week’s been a mixture of ups and downs – between Dad going into the care home, some issues I had to get resolved at work, being in a lot of pain quite a few days this week, and feeling (and being) very emotional quite a lot, which if you know me at all will know I find it very difficult letting others see my emotions, so it’s been a all round tough week.
My Dad suffers from 
So where is my spiritual home? It’s not as you might think, my current church and 
