Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a large hall or room full of lots of other people you know. Everyone is standing in small groups of between 2-6 people and they are all chatting and laughing, and they look and sound very happy. That is except you…you’re standing yourself, you’re feeling awkward as you don’t want to butt into one of the groups as they all seem to be in the middle of conversations…you feel like an outsider as you stand yourself feeling too self conscious and uncomfortable to join one of the groups.
Does that scenario sound familiar to you?
It sounds all too familiar to me, and I must admit that the more times I find myself in that scenario the more uncomfortable I feel.
So what do you do now? Avoid putting yourself in a situation where this scenario might recur? Face you fears and force yourself to join one of the groups the next time you find yourself in that scenario?
What happens if you go for option one? You may well find yourself turning down invites to social occasions simply because you can’t face being in “alone in a crowd” again. You become less sociable and gradually become more and more alone.
What about if you go for option two? What’s the worst that could happen? You join one of the groups and
- have no idea what they’re talking about and can’t join in the conversation
- the group don’t welcome your presence and exclude you from the conversation
Either way, the outcome is not that bad is it! You may feel uncomfortable, but once you’ve made yourself do this a few times, it will get easier! You may know some of those in the groups better than others so will have a better idea which group you’re more likely to be accepted into, so think carefully about the group you choose to join as this may have a big impact on the outcome of you trying to join that group.
It all sounds so easy I know, but it’s just a case of putting yourself outside your comfort zone to try to achieve the result you desire…to feel part of a “group”.
Having said all that, I find that very difficult to do myself, particularly when the groups comprise of couples or family members and you are by yourself and have no family members there. I find I tell myself that “3’s a crowd”, “you’re not part of their family”, “why do think they’d want you to be part of their personal discussions”. I know this is all down to my personality and lack of self confidence in these situations as I’m not a particularly outgoing person at the best of times, so to make myself the “extra person” is way outside my comfort zone.
So if in describing myself I’ve just described you as well, be assured, you are not alone in finding these situation difficult.
If I’ve described something alien to you, please lookout for those of us who find it difficult to “join in” when we’re by ourselves, and try and include us if possible as this would help us feel more comfortable.
Never Alone by BarlowGirl
I waited for you today
But you didn’t show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You’d be there
And though I haven’t seen You
Are You still there?
[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply
And I can’t feel You by my side
So I’ll hold tight to what I know
You’re here and I”m never alone
And though I cannot see You
And I can’t explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You’ve placed in my life
We cannot separate
‘Cause You’re part of me
And though You’re invisible
I’ll trust the unseen
[Chorus]
We cannot separate
You’re part of me
And though You’re invisible
I’ll trust the unseen
[Chorus]
The Distinct Dot 