Have you ever felt like an outsider?
How did it make you feel? It’s not a nice experience at all is it.
I heard a good analogy on the TV a few days ago:
It compared feeling like an outsider to a sweet shop where everyone else is inside the sweet shop able to help themselves to whatever sweets they want, when they want it, but you’re outsider the shop looking in the window – the door is locked so you can’t get in.
So what are some of the situations that can make us feel like an outsider? Here’s some examples:
- Religious beliefs
- Family background
- Different hobbies
- Lack of family
- Shyness
- Lack of close friends
Any of these examples remind you of your feelings of being an “outsider”? I may not have listed the reason you find makes you feel like an outsider, but whatever the situations that affect you in this way, I really understand how you feel, I indicated in my post from a few days ago, Brothers and Sisters, that I have felt like an outsider.
Personally, I must admit to feeling like an outsider most of my life, in many things I do – Yes I know this may surprise those of you who have known me for many years, but it is true, I think I just became accustomed to feeling like an outsider and felt it was all my fault that I kept my feelings about it to myself. I know much of my feelings are probably down to my personality, I’m not someone who finds it easy make conversation with folk I don’t know well as I’m quite a quite person (don’t laugh) and in these situations feel totally out of my comfort zone. In many situations even now, I still feel like an outsider, so it doesn’t get any easier the older I get. Now I certainly don’t want to embarrass anyone or make them feel uncomfortable, but here are a couple of situations I feel like an outsider:
- At my church – I only moved there a few years ago. It’s a very family orientated church, and I have no family there, I also have no close friends there, so can often feel like an outsider – That’s not because of anything the folk there do or say, as they are all very friendly towards me, it just the whole situation. I find it particularly difficult when there are events on? Why? Well I normally don’t go to any of these things because who am I supposed to go with/sit with as I’ve no family/close friends there and I’d just feel like I was intruding on others if I tagged along.
- Work – Because my husband and I work in the same place I think many of the folk there think I tell my husband everything that is said or done, so often I feel I’m excluded from conversations as they’re frightened I tell on them…they don’t know me very well to think that, as I certainly do not go telling everything that happens to my husband, I’ve more important things to do/say when we’re together!
Any of these things sound familiar to you? It’s not a nice being an outsider and wanting to be part of a group, it can be very lonely and upsetting.
I try my best not to do /say anything that would make someone feel like an outsider because I know how horrible it is.
Please make a special effort not to leave anyone out of conversations/events as of us outsiders it’s very difficult to feel comfortable forcing ourselves into other company.
The Distinct Dot 
very though provoking. I sometimes talk non stop to fill the silence….
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You know you can sit with us Mathie’s anytime!
This has got me thinking too! You know over these past few years Thomas and I have felt really lonely and like outsiders within our church. Now that’s no real reflection on anyone or on what any individual has done. It’s just the way it is! There are in my opinion, quite a few cliques which although I know that’s part of reality… (We all cling to those we have more in common with and are comfortable around)…. It leaves others out, it certainly leaves individuals out! Mentally, physically and spiritually it leaves you feeling like an outsider and really quite alone! Paranoia is taking over me at times. Are they laughing at me or are they just having a laugh within their group…is their something about that individual that makes them more interesting than me… What have I ever done to make them exclude me etc etc! And it’s crazy!
But what I guess I’m trying to say is that although this is maybe slightly different from what you’ve been saying, in ways like that I feel like an outsider too! It’s not a nice place to be!
I know quite a few other people who feel the same way too! So you are not alone my friend!
Good post! x
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Thanks Olwyn.
I know what you mean about feeling more and more paranoid about my feelings – I think the more aware we are of these things the more we see them and those the bigger we feel the “problem” is, even if it just a “big problem” we’ve imagined.
It’s difficult feeling alone and an outsider, and while I know it’s not done intentionally by anyone, it doesn’t make it any easier.
Thank you for your support, it IS appreciated.
Dot x
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Aah Dot, I know this feeling so very well x I have had a life long feeling of not being good enough, and although since coming to faith I am more of a ‘God made me this way for a reason’ person, there are still moments when after a service I go through for coffee and find myself studying the notice board or checking my pigeon hole. Our church has lots of Drs, teachers, professionals and, as a person who didn’t even stay on for the 6th form, my inadequate head slips back on when I think about joining conversations. However, I know that if I do approach people, they are nearly always welcoming and lovely, I jusy nead to be brave :))
Something which has really helped is being part of a home group, with a Solicitor, Dentist and a Uni student as well as a lady who doesn’t work as she has a type of MS, a school administrator and a worker for a Fairtade co. We all have something to offer, a different perspective on a situation, and actually finding that we all share doubts and a sense of humour has been liberating 🙂
Bless you x
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Thanks Angie it’s so reassuring to know i’m not the only one who’s terrified of the after meeting coffee fellowships or cafe churches. I always end up standing myself not knowing what to do, not wanting to barge in on anyones conversation. Glad I’m not alone in studying the noticeboards!
in last while have stopped going to coffee fellowships or cafe churches as I just got myself too stressed about looking n feing alone.
Thank you again for ur comments n support, I DO appreciate it.
Dot x
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