Posts Tagged ‘grief’

 

Have you noticed, I’ve spoken a lot about time in my blog posts over the last week?

There is a reason for that – In the last few weeks, I’ve had a number of ‘anniversaries’ in my life, some worth celebrating, others I grieve over. That said, even if it hadn’t been for all these anniversaries in my life, I’d still consider time to be very important. Here’s why

If we don’t make sure we allow ourselves to spend quality time with God each day, our life cannot be complete. It would mean we’re going through each day in our own strength, rather than seeking God’s guidance for the day.

Ultimately spending quality time with God will enhance our lives, so I encourage you to make sure you set aside time to spend it in God’s presence on a daily basis.

I’ve been reminded a number of times over the last year that only time can heal our physical wounds. But it’s not just our physical wounds that need time to heal, our emotional wounds also need time to heal.

Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons. Neither the offender nor the offended are any more themselves. ~ Blaise Pascal

As time passes, our memory of events can change because of how they made, and still make us feel. We don’t mean to do this, it’s just one of those things that happens in our subconscious as time passes.

Time really heal both our physical and emotional wounds. So whatever quarrels or griefs or quarrels  you’re struggling with today, be assured that over time the wounds they have left you with will heal.

Today is Good Friday. The fact it’s called ‘Good‘ Friday suggests it is a happy and great day. However for God it was probably one of the worst days, the day His one and only son died. Can you imagine how that must have felt?

In Isaiah 53:1-5 (NLT) we read the following:

Who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm. My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.

Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.

God always knew that the day would come, when to save the rest of us, Christ would have to die. It’s wonderful to know that God loves us this much isn’t it!

Don’t be strong. Be weak. Unclench your fists. Dare to be vulnerable. Honest weakness takes courage ~ Pete Greig

Admitting to weakness and vulnerability isn’t something many of us like to do, is it. That’s probably why when we go through difficult situations, we often experience symptoms such as insomnia, memory loss, weakness and vulnerability.

Telling someone not to be strong but to show their weakness, isn’t going to instantly make them share their weaknesses, and show how vulnerable they are. Instead they need to feel safe, they need to feel loved, so give them a hug, so that when they show their vulnerability they will not feel they are being judged but are safe.

So whether you are feeling vulnerable or know someone who is struggling, do what you need to do to dare to be vulnerable.

Does time change how we see and feel things? Of course it does!

Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons. Neither the offender nor the offended are any more themselves. ~ Blaise Pascal

As time passes, our memory events change; we can start ‘making up’ bits of the event subconsciously, so that it either becomes far worse of much less difficult than it actually was at the time.

Time is a healer, so whatever quarrels or griefs you’re struggling with today, be assured that through time, the grief will be easier to cope with.

In the UK, today is Mother’s Day, so for many today is day to say thank you to our Mum’s for all they have done/do for us, and just generally spoil them for at least today!

For those of us whose mother’s have passed away, the lead up to Mother’s Day with all the adverts on TV can be difficult, nevermind Mother’s Day itself when all around there are people celebrating with their Mums. It can also be a difficult day for those who have wanted children but who for whatever result, have been unable to have children.

A couple of months ago we went to the Liv On concert with Amy Sky, Beth Nielsen Chapman, and Olivia Newton-John. Here’s some of what their website tells us about this project:

The LIV ON Project and CD came to fruition the way many of the best collaborations do…via a series of conversations between friends about what matters most in life: Love, loss, hope and healing.

All three had endured profound, life-altering losses and yet each remained committed to one thing: a desire to transform individual grief into healing via music… for all.

This very special collection of songs will help lift the hearts of others going through their own hardship, whatever the cause.

The songs on the “LIV ON” CD take the listener on a journey of remembrance, toward one of inspiration and hope.

As well, the three mega-stars have created several brand new songs, including the title track, “Live On,” which born of their own exploration into the pain of loss, the growth that follows and eventually, the journey toward renewed joy.

“We found that any time we shared a vulnerable part of us, we felt such an overwhelming feeling of kinship and relief… that we were not alone with our pain. We hope these songs that came from the depths of us, will offer a place of comfort to others.” ~ Olivia Newton-John

I found the words and the music of all the songs presented at the concert very inspiring, so I just wanted to share with you today the title track from the Liv On CD, entitled Live On:

Live On by Amy, Olivia and Beth

I’m waking up this morning
Grateful for the gift of one more day
The light of hope is dawning
It fills my heart and lifts my fears away
Sometimes there’s a miracle just beyond the pain
When you can see the rainbow in the rain

Live on, live on
Brighter skies will come again
Cry the tears you cry and then live on, live on
Love is all we leave when we are gone live on

We’ve shared so much together
Think of all the mountains we have climbed
Sorrow joy and laughter
Woven through the tapestry of time
Even as we’re letting go we will not lose faith
All the precious memories we make

Live on, live on
In the hearts of those we touch
All the dreams inside of us live on, live on
Love is all we leave when we are gone live on

Live on, live on
More than just survive my friend
We learn how to thrive and then live on, live on
Shining like the words inside this song, live on

Love is all we leave when we are gone live on
In every heart of those we touch
In every dream that means so much
Yes I believe that all of us live on

Grief comes in one size, Extra Large.

If we tuck it away in the bottom drawer

where it never sees the light of day,

it remains exactly the same.

On the other hand, 

if we wear it, feel it, talk about it,

and share it with others,

it is likely that it will become faded, shrunk and worn,

or will simply no longer fit.

When grief has served its purpose,

we are able to recognize the many gifts we have gained.

Grief is something which we all cope with differently

Yes, everyone copes with grief differently – some fall apart struggling to find the energy to get out of bed, while others seem to have unending strength being able to carry on with life as if nothing as happened.

So just while someone may not show their grief for a loved one in a way you’d expect, do not think they are not grieving, as we all cope differently, and surely whatever helps us to cope in these circumstances must be good!

Grief

On 6th September, one year ago today, we were awoken before 7am by my mobile phone ringing. When your phone goes before 7am on a Sunday morning, you know there’s a problem, and sure enough, that day was no problem – It was the Prince and Princess of Wales Hospice calling to tell me my Mum had deteriorated and that I should come in. Sadly despite out best efforts, Mum passed away before we got to her.

Mum vickis weddingWell it might be a year since Mum died but it still feels like just yesterday in many ways – Where has this last year gone!

There’s so many things I now wish I’d talked to Mum about, told her or done for her, but it’s too late now. I still find myself thinking I’ll just phone Mum and tell her such and such…and then I stop myself…

There’s so much more I wish I could say about Mum today, but even one year on, it’s still too hard for me to do so. So I simply want to say this, Mum I never told you often enough when you were here how much I loved you, and how much I appreciated all you taught me about life and God.

Mum was a Christian, and was proud have been brought up in the Salvation Army where she served God all her days. This song reminds me of Mum and her strong faith, and I simply pray I too can keep my promise to God, to serve Him all my days.

Bereavement affects us all at some point in our lives and we get through it in different ways; some seem to cope as if nothing has happened, others struggle to cope; some find it easy to take about their loss, others prefer the quietness and reassurance of their own memories. However we cope when someone we love passes away, we are grieving and it’s important to give ourselves time to grieve and not expect life just to carry on as normal for as, as our lives will never be the same again after a loved one dies.

So today, and every day, I remember my Mum, Margaret Jackson Watson Johnson nee Gilchrist (27/9/1931 – 6/9/2015) – I miss you so much, you’re never far from my mind and I will always love you.

Just like yesterday, I’ve another quote for you from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross – again it’s about acknowledging we should not focus on when and how our live on earth will end, but instead focus on making the most of our time while we are alive!

It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I guess when our lives are touched by the death of someone very close to us, we do spend time thinking about our own mortality, and, dare I say, we forget to make the most our of life. Don’t get me wrong, we all need to grieve when we lose someone dear to us, but we must be careful not to let that grief consume us so that we stop living…after all I’m sure those who have passed away wouldn’t have wanted us to stop living our life because they have passed away, would they?

So yes, grieve for those you love when they pass away, but don’t let that grief take over your life so you forget to live yourself.

Live Forever by Michael W Smith

You painted me a picture of tomorrow
A place where you and I walked hand in hand
A world without despair and without shadows
But things just didn’t turn out how we’d planned
Now you’re gone

And I believe that there is somewhere
Where the angels fill the sky
And I believe we’ll live forever
You and I, you and I
Will never die

I wonder if you knew that you were leaving
I thought that I saw something in your eyes
You painted me a picture of believing
I’ll see you there on the other side
And I’ll be there

Aunt MaeOn the 3rd of April 2013 at about 6.300am, one year ago today, we received the phone call we’d been expecting, but dreading, it was the hospital to tell us that my Aunt Mae had died just a few minutes earlier.

Well one year on, and I’m still finding it hard to cope with my Aunt Mae and my Dad not being with us anymore. It still seems unbelievable in many ways that in the space of just a few weeks last year Dad and then Aunt Mae died.

In many ways my grief for them took a back seat for a number of months as I tried to help my Mum cope with the lost of her husband and her sister. Mum is coping a little better these days, although just like me, she has her moments!

Bereavement affects us all at some point in our lives and we get through it in different ways; some seem to cope as if nothing has happened, others struggle to cope; some find it easy to talk about their loss, others prefer the quietness and reassurance of their own memories. However we cope when someone we love passes away, we are grieving and it’s important to give ourselves time to grieve and not expect life just to carry on as normal for as, as our lives will never be the same again after a loved one dies.

So today, I remember my Aunt Mae, Mary Waddell Gilchrist (23/10/1922 – 3/4/2013) who passed away one year ago today,  and my Dad, both of whom I miss so very much, you’re both never far from my mind and I will always love you both.