Posts Tagged ‘Perfectionism’

Today’s blog post really follows up on a couple of days ago when in Approval I spoke about how we need to accept ourselves, faults, failures and flaws and all.

While some of us may be perfectionists, we all need to remind ourselves that perfection simply is unachievable. We must therefore do exactly what the following suggests…

move on

In summary, accept yourself for who you are, faults and all!

 

approval

As a perfectionist I must admit that it can be difficult to be ok with what I do sometimes when it doesn’t measure up to the high expectations I place on myself. Over the years I have come to realise that this is both a curse and a blessing which I know might sound like a complete contradiction, so let me explain…

  • A blessing because in expecting perfection in all I do it drives me to do my best in everything.
  • A curse because in expecting perfection from myself, I set my expectations far to high so I fail which in turn means I chastise myself because I’ve not don’t things perfectly.

I am still a perfectionist, and I guess I always will be, but I try not to be as critical of myself when I don’t succeed as I maybe used to be…though I am still feel disappointed with myself when I don’t do things 100% right!

How can I expect other’s to accept me for who and what I am, if I can’t accept myself, faults, failures and flaws!

Following on from yesterday’s blog post Perfectionists, I just had to share this quote from Joyce Meyer:

Don’t be angry with yourself if you are imperfect while you are improving

A reminder maybe for all us perfectionists, that as long as we recognise that we are perfectionists, we can learn to accept imperfections in others and in ourselves…or at least some of them! 🙂

searching for perfection

Our expectation in ourselves must be higher than our expectation in others. ~ Victor Manuel Rivera

Personally, I expect perfection from myself in everything I do, so no wonder I’m always disappointed with myself! lol

Thankfully though I recognised a number of years ago that I was a perfectionist, and therefore have learned not to be too hard on myself when I fail to be perfect. i.e. Every time I do anything!

Expectations

Because I’m a perfectionist, I must admit I get frustrated and disappointed when others don’t live up to my high standards, even although I don’t meet my own expectations of myself. But in the same way I have tried to be less critical of myself when I don’t meet my expectations, I now try to be more tolerant towards others – although if I’m honest I do still find I get frustrated at both myself and others when things aren’t done quite as I expect, or aren’t done as accurately as required, or maybe just not completed as quickly as expected.

I hope my expectations of myself are higher than those I have of others, as after all I can only actively affect my own achievements, as ultimately it’s up to others what they achieve.

I was watching a program on TV recently where one of the people was told by the rest of the group that they were as good as unnamed as every time the group did a task together this individual was never noticeable and didn’t seem to contribute. I felt quite sorry for the person concerned, as from what we saw on the programme, they were trying their best but others were simply either talking over the person, or just ignoring them all together. Just because others in the group chose not to acknowledge/notice this person’s presence or input was not, in my opinion, a good reason to claim this person was “unnamed”. I found this discussion hit home with me as I have found countless times in my life and again a number of times in the last few weeks, that I am always the forgotten person.

social_exclusionFor example there’s been a number of situations recently that I’ve been involved in where the person in charge has publicly thanks a variety of people for their input/help but no included me despite me being the sole contributor to various activities. In some instances I still remain unthanked while in another I was thanked at another event several days later with the comment that “it was remiss to have excluded” me.

If these times had just been one offs it would have been ok but this is the norm for me. I put in lots of time and effort to everything I do (I’m a perfectionist after all!), but then seem to be taken for granted or ignored/forgotten , as I often then find I have to sit and listen while everyone else apart from me gets thanked or praised for their work/efforts. Don’t get me wrong it’s not the “thank you” I’m bothered about in these situations, it’s the fact that if others are going to be thanked, why does it seem like I am always the only one who is forgotten?

I may not be the most outgoing of people. I may not be the more memorable of people, but I am still here and I work hard at all I do, so for all those “unnamed” people out there, I want to say, please make sure you don’t exclude or forget about anyone when you’re giving praise or thanking people, as accidentally excluding someone is actually as bad as purposefully excluding them, and can cause just as much, if not more hurt and upset.

Are you competitive?

Are you competitive in everything you do?

Yes I’m competitive and yes I’m competitive in all I do!

Why? As I think I’ve told you before in I Want Perfection, I’m a perfectionist, and as a perfectionist, not only do I expect myself to do everything perfectly, I also expect myself to win at everything I do, hence my reason for saying I’m competitive!

So when I don’t win, how do I feel? Disappointed in myself, sometimes annoyed, and usually frustrated at myself.

Once again I think I’m proving that I expect too much of myself, and often put too much pressure on myself to do well, while also tearing myself apart when I don’t do as well as I want or expect.

It gets worse…not only do I expect myself to win all competitions I take part in, if it’s a team game/competition, yes you guessed it, I expect my team to always win!

Fortunately having recognised the fact that I’m a perfectionist and am very competitive, I do try not to show my utter disappointment/annoyance at myself or others when I/we don’t win!

It’s tough being a perfectionist, and it’s just as tough being competitive.

So why do I want to win at all I do?

I was taught as a child to always do my best, and that my best was always good enough…no matter whether I won or lost.

I was taught as a child that no-one should expect to win all the time. Only one person on earth has ever had the right to be the best at what they do and that was Jesus.

Therefore all we humans should expect of ourselves, is to do our best and not get caught-up in whether we win, lose or draw. However we can always strive to be more and more like Jesus.