This last week has been particularly emotional for me on a number of fronts. However, probably the biggest things on my mind has been my decision to go to band practice this week for the first time since I went to Peterborough with the band at the start of October last year (you can read about the band’s visit to Peterborough both my blog entitled Peterborough Weekend and also on the band’s website).
So I got myself into quite a state – stressed, very emotional and petrified I wouldn’t be able to hold myself together. However as you all kept telling me (and I kept telling myself) I had nothing to fear as those who spoke to me were very supportive. That’s not to say I didn’t shed some tears during band practice, because I did…when the band practice the flugel horn solo “Through It All” – it’s a song which I’m used in several previous blog posts, and it’s one which always pulls on my heart strings, and yes it did it again last night!
I also shed a number of tears during the devotions at the end of the practice when thoughts turned to the band’s visit to Worthing Salvation Army this coming weekend (12th-13th June) which I am not going to – I’m not strong enough physically or emotionally to go away with the band. Why? Because after al that’s happened in the last few years, missing band visits to Belfast and Croydon, but finally feeling well enough to go with them last year to Peterborough Salvation Army, I thought the days of me being unable to go away with the band for health reason was over…but here I am again, left behind while the band heads away to lead weekend meetings at another salvation army.
Having just about survived the practice, I then had to get through a number of folk asking how I was…that was tough – I know they all mean well and just wanted to show they cared, but that was so very stressful for me as I knew if I told folk exactly how I really felt and what was really going on in my life, I’d end up in pieces, and I couldn’t handle that with so many folk around.
When I finally left Bellshill Salvation Army hall and got into the safety of my own car, it was only a matter of a few seconds before the tears were streaming down my face. Not quite sure how I managed to drive home, as my tears were still falling when I arrived home. My tears were most definitely not ones of sadness, but more of relief, as after all the build up to going to the practice, the stress I felt about it, I had gone, and I’d survived…even if only just!
I’d like to thank all my Twitter and Facebook friends as you’ve given me great encouragement and support particularly over this last week – you really did help me. An extra special thanks goes to my bandmaster, Ian Dickie for the wee chat we had after the practice on Wednesday – your words of support and encouragement really touched me more than you’ll ever know.