I’ve said it before, but I make no apology for saying it again…dementia is a cruel illness.
As you’ll know if you’ve been following by blog posts for a wee while, my Dad suffers from vascular dementia and has been cared for at home by my Mum 24/7. However a few weeks ago we initiated the process with Social Work to get Dad into a nursing home full-time (you can read more about this in Time To Help…Please!).
Mum’s really been struggling to cope with caring for Dad full-time as he is now totally reliant on Mum to do everything for him…including the simple things we all do without thinking because they’re just straightforward basic tasks. For someone who has dementia, simple everyday tasks which we all normally do without thinking, become strange and alien to them. e.g. washing themself, dressing, feeding themself.
This last week my Dad would not eat or drink anything more than just a couple of mouthfuls of food or liquid, so on Wednesday Mum called in our GP, and he got Dad admitted to hospital as he was suffering from dehydration. While I’m sad my Dad’s ended up in hospital, it is the best place for him and for Mum, as it takes the pressure off Mum caring for him but also means he’s getting professional care. Having now had discussions with the doctor at the hospital and then with Dad’s social worker, it looks like Dad will now remain in hospital until there is free space for him at a local nursing home. That means Dad will now go straight into a nursing home from hospital…he will never be home again…
I’m fine about Dad going into a nursing home as he really needs the level of help they can offer him there, although when I think about the fact that Dad will probably never be home again I find that very upsetting. I try to remind myself though that while Dad is still alive, his body is still here, but the person who was my Dad really left a long time ago…
As far as Mum is concerned, she seems a bit more relaxed now as if a burden has been lifted from her. I know she still feels guilty about Dad going into care, however as hubby and me, Dad’s social worker and various others have said to her, it’s not that she’s failed Dad in any way, it’s simply that she’s done her best up to now caring for him, but he now needs more care than Mum is able to provide for him. When Dad was admitted to hospital on Wednesday Mum was fine about it as she realised it was what was best for Dad, and continued to be ok about it all until we went to visit Dad last night…
When we went into the ward to see Dad, he was lying on his bed slouched down with his head off his pillow, sleeping…he looked small and frail…and I think that was when it all hit Mum…she got quiet upset seeing Dad like that. Although he was actually a bit better last night than he’d been since he went into hospital as he actually answered us a few times when we spoke to him…not necessarily with comprehensible answers, but at least he answered us! Dad might have spoken to us tonight, but he didn’t know who Mum or I were, and no matter how long that has happened for I still find that sad and upsetting…though I can’t imagine how Mum must feel having been married to him for over 55 years!
Dementia is a cruel illness which robs the sufferer of their personality and leaves them almost like an empty body. I don’t think people really understand how dementia affects the sufferer and their family/friends until you’ve actually experienced it yourself…I hope you never will!
In conclusion, can I ask you to help me raise money for Alzheimer’s Scotland as they do a great job supporting and helping Alzheimer/dementia sufferers in Scotland.
Thank you
The Distinct Dot 
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