I’ve been feeling really guilty about my feelings towards Dad, particularly when I go to visit him in the hospital.
Why? Because I find it incredibly difficult and if I’m truthful, boring. Dad is always so tired so just wants to sleep and even on the odd occasion when he is awake, we are unable to have any kind of conversation with him as most of what he says these days makes little sense.
I find it quite a chore to visit Dad as most of the time I’m just sitting there with him he dozes or sleeps, and has been known on a number of occasions to pull the sheets or pillows up over his head as if to tell us he’s not interested in talking to us. Even when I visit Dad when Mum’s with me, it’s still hard work, as Mum seems happy just to sit and look at Dad when he’s sleeping, and just hold his hand.
I now almost look forward to the odd day when I don’t go and see Dad as I do find it quite a chore to go and see him, and, I’m sorry to say, I often feel it’s a waste of time visiting
I know it’s my Dad, but to me my Dad “died” a long time ago and it’s just his body that’s still here. I often laugh at some of the things Dad says and does these days which I often think must seem really insensitive to others, but I know that’s just my way of coping with how Dad is these days. Although it seems to be my way of coping with current circumstances, I do feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way, because however you look at it, he’s still my Dad, and I still love Him, and always will!
Dementia is such a cruel illness, and affects not just the sufferer but their family and friends too. So today, I’d ask that you share a prayer for all those living with dementia, either because they suffer from it themselves, or they have a family member who is living with dementia.
The Distinct Dot 
I don’t really know what to say other than I continue to pray for you all as you journey through this difficult time in your lives.
LikeLike
Thanks, prayer is more than enough for me. Thank you. .x
LikeLike
I’m dreading being in this situation myself. My dad has early onset and is still able to pretty much look after himself at home but that phase has 1-2 years left to run I think and then I’ll be where you are now. In my case what is most challenging at the moment is trying to help my dad with finances etc as he is not quite capable but still quite capable of objecting to any suggestions. It’s a very difficult illness to deal with and even more so as an only child of a father where the mother is already gone.
LikeLike
Don’t put timescales on things, as I haave an aunt who lives in care who is still very able to have a conversation with us and her dementia started a number of years before my Dad’s. The onset and progression of dementia can vary dramatically from person to person so you may find your Dad’s dementia may never get much worse. For my Dad, his dementia wasn’t too bad until about 2.5 years ago when he fell in the snow/ice and hit is head off the pavement – ever sine then we all noticed his dementia progreessing much quicker.
I too am an only child, but altho my Mum is still around, she’ll be 81 next month and has her own health problems, and as I’ve said we also have my Mum’s sister in care with dementia, and as you know hubby doesn’t keep to well, nor do I, so it’s very stressful at the moment, and I think that’s why I find it increasingly difficult when visiting Dad.
Anyway, I hope your fears about your Dad are unfounded and his dementia does not progress quickly. Take care. .x
LikeLike