Ten weeks ago today I was at work when I got a phone call from my Mum to tell me Dad was being taken into hospital because he was dehydrated, as he was refusing to eat or drink very much. Ten weeks on and Dad’s still in hospital.
Dad’s been in I think, 5 different wards over that period, albeit the last two have been because he climbed out of bed a couple of weeks after he went into hospital, fell, hit his head and gave himself a cracker of a black eye, as well as fracturing his hip! This resulted in him having to be moved to another ward as he had to have an operation to fix his broken hip. He’s now in the hip fracture rehabilitation ward where he’s doing ok as far as his hip is concerned.
Initially when Dad went into hospital we were over there every day visiting him, which was very hard work for me with working full-time and then going straight from there to the hospital and not getting home until 8 or 9pm at night. Fortunately after a few weeks of this Mum realised this was too much for both of us, so we now just visit Dad every couple of days.
I know Mum wishes she could visit Dad every day, but to be honest, due to Dad’s dementia, he has no concept of how frequently or infrequently we visit, and in fact during many of our visits, refuses to speak to us or even open his eyes, as he’s happy to sleep all the time. Mum misses Dad greatly, which is only natural after more than 55 years of marriage, however Mum was no longer coping with Dad at home and we had already started proceedings to get Dad into a nursing home full-time, so Dad not being at home anymore, was always going to happen soon anyway, it’s just hospital he’s ended up in initially.
Even although it’s my Dad we’re visiting, I’m sorry to say I find it quite a chore. Don’t think it’s because I don;t love my Dad because I do, but as far as I’m concerned my Dad “died” a few years ago when his dementia meant he didn’t know me any more and he could no longer have a sensible conversation with us. Much of the time when we visit Dad he just sleeps, or sit/lies with his eyes shut unwilling to talk or look at us. Mum is still making comments to Dad as if he’s going to get better and as if he can logically understand where he is and why. It’s sad but also frustrating.
I’m physically and emotionally shattered most of the time these days as it’s hard work working full-time and then spending time visiting someone in hospital and just sitting there for an hour or more without being able to have a conversation with them.
I feel really guilty for feeling like this, after all, it is my Dad I’m talking about, but sadly Dad isn’t going to get any better, so it’s only going to get harder.
Hopefully Dad will not be in hospital too much longer. Although he will never be home again, as he will only be discharged from hospital when he’s able to go straight into the nursing home which is just a few minutes away from Mum. At least when this happens, Mum will be able to go visit Dad whenever she wants and as frequently as she wants, without necessarily needing me to give her a lift.
So 10 weeks and counting…it’s been a long 10 weeks, but at least we know Dad’s in good hands and getting the best possible medical care.
The Distinct Dot 
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