I recently heard someone say that a couple who had recently become parents, had been given the gift of a baby by God, because they would be great parents.

Awh, that was a lovely thing to say wasn’t it? Well yes to some it was, but what about to those who have wanted to have children, but for some reason they have been unable to have a child, imagine how that statement may have made them feel…Does God not think they would have been great parents since they haven’t been given the gift of a child from God?


I know it’s highly unlikely that there was any intention to upset anyone when those comments were made, but it is an example of how one person’s joy can ultimately be an awful reminder to someone else of a painful event/situation.

I must admit I find it difficult at times when much of life is focused on families with children, because it can feel like those without children are outsiders. Does this ring any bells? Last week I spoke about making sure we are inclusive and don’t exclude anyone from events/discussion just because they are different from us in any way.

As I said in yesterday’s blog post (Childless #1), many just assume that because you’ve been married for a number of years and have reached a certain age, that you have children. That in itself can be hard enough to come to terms with sometimes, but when others look at you as if you’ve just told them you have a highly contagious disease, it is simply heartbreaking.

broken heart

  1. Kurt Poleet says:

    Dot, I don’t have anything to say that would make things better, other than that I feel for you.

  2. Katy says:

    This really resonates with me. I’ve had one miscarriage and then I lost both of my daughters to unexplained fetal death, one at 24 weeks and one at 27 weeks. We have been trying for 4 years in November. And we have no children on this earth. And we do feel like outsiders. I mean, my friends are still my friends, but their children are growing up and I feel so left behind. And I live in suburbia which feels like the epitome of the nuclear family. And it makes me feel like an alien. I stand out. And I speak out probably because I do feel like I stand out. But I get it. I totally get it.

    • Dot says:

      So sorry to hear of your situation, but in many ways it’s good to know I’m not alone in feeling as though having no children makes me an outsider in many situations and groups. I think for those who have families they can never really know or understand how those of us who have no children, for whatever reason, can be “normal” people. It’s a sad indictment of what society expects from us. Take care and continue to be stand out. .x

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