I’ve find myself wondering sometimes, why I bother. Why I bother to push myself to keep on top on things, to put myself out to help or assist others – all in the knowledge that when it comes to it, I’ll get no acknowledgement of my efforts, and I know the majority of those I consider to be friends only turn to me because they know I’ll always say ‘yes’, but will just as quickly ignore me when they don’t need my help.
Those are the thoughts that I find go through my mind when I’m going through a difficult time. Thankfully most of the time, when I’m not at my lowest, I convince myself those thoughts are unfounded and that my efforts do matter, and my friends don’t just turn to me when they want something from me.
It’s strange how your own mind and convince you of that some things are true, even when the logical part of your brain tells you they are not.
So why do I bother? I bother because I always want to do my best in everything in I do, but maybe that’s the perfectionist part of me. It would be nice to get some positive acknowledgement of the time and effort I put into all I do, and that’s where my faith comes in – I know God knows and sees everything I do, and why I do it. He alone can provide the ultimate reward (or otherwise!) to me when I meet Him face to face.