Following on from my post yesterday, Exactly Two Years Ago, I thought about how I felt in the days leading up to my open heart surgery on 1 October 2018. If I’m honest I really surprised myself, as I was very calm and didn’t really get really stressed about what lay ahead of me. I would in fact go as far as saying I actually felt at peace with it all.
Maybe it was because I’d known for a number of years this surgery was going to be required at some point because the issues with my heart were all ones I was born with, they are congenital heart defects.
Maybe it was because my quality of life had decreased substantially from the start of 2018, so open heart surgery was the only way I was going to get any quality of life, and in fact to be blunt, without the surgery then, I wouldn’t be here today!
Have you ever thought about your own mortality?
Well I can tell you that, in the days leading up to my surgery 2 years ago, I seriously did think about my own mortality, after all, I was facing major open heart surgery which came with its own risks both during and after the surgery.
So what did I do? I planned my own funeral! That may seem really creepy and a bit weird, but I was trying to be realistic, because if the surgery didn’t go well, or there were complications afterwards, I didn’t want my husband to have to worry about planning the content of my funeral.
I know having shared this with a few others who have gone through similar surgery to me, some said they did the same and planned their funeral. others said they were too anxious and hated to think about not making it, so made no plans. I found it reassuring to know I wasn’t the only person who had thought about my own mortality pre open heart surgery, as to me, I was just being practical and alleviating the need for my husband to stress about having to plan this, if the worst happened. In an odd way I found it very calming.
As I’m still blogging 2 years on from my surgery, you will know I made it through my operation, so the funeral plan I put together have been filed away, and hopefully they won’t be needed for while!
I know how you must have felt when I went through my operation 11yrs ago to remove the Tumour in my spinal cord but she could Only take part of it away as I would have been completely paralysed but she said what I have left you with I know you will get back. So I had to learn to walk and bring back everything your spinal cord does in your body so it was scary but Lots of Prayers were answered to give me enough to cope with looking after John although for some time we both had to have carers in to help me as well. Carers came in for John until he passed away almost 3yrs ago.
I am astonished that someone had the cheek to only give this blog post 1 solitary star as a rating. You bared your heart and your feelings and emotions in the lead up to what must have been a really scary day for you and your family. I’ve given your post a 5 star rating, as it deserves. I’d love to hear why that person only gave it one star. why give any rating at all it’s shocking. They cannot have a heart as your post is very personal but giving one star shows they don’t understand real emotion. You are a star Dot. You’ve been through so much in the last few years and have coped amazingly. You are an inspiration. Much love Dx
Hi Dianne, thanks for your positive feedback, however I don’t mind people giving my posts a rating of 1 star – We all have different likes and dislikes, so for me, the main thing is that people are reading my posts – Blogging would be pointless otherwise.
Low ratings make me think about what I’ve written and make me review my post to see if there’s a way I could have improved it. However at the end of the day, it may just be that the subject of my blog post isn’t something a particular reader wants to read about. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Thank you for your support