Following on from my post yesterday, Exactly Two Years Ago, I thought about how I felt in the days leading up to my open heart surgery on 1 October 2018. If I’m honest I really surprised myself, as I was very calm and didn’t really get really stressed about what lay ahead of me. I would in fact go as far as saying I actually felt at peace with it all.
Maybe it was because I’d known for a number of years this surgery was going to be required at some point because the issues with my heart were all ones I was born with, they are congenital heart defects.
Maybe it was because my quality of life had decreased substantially from the start of 2018, so open heart surgery was the only way I was going to get any quality of life, and in fact to be blunt, without the surgery then, I wouldn’t be here today!
Have you ever thought about your own mortality?
Well I can tell you that, in the days leading up to my surgery 2 years ago, I seriously did think about my own mortality, after all, I was facing major open heart surgery which came with its own risks both during and after the surgery.
So what did I do? I planned my own funeral! That may seem really creepy and a bit weird, but I was trying to be realistic, because if the surgery didn’t go well, or there were complications afterwards, I didn’t want my husband to have to worry about planning the content of my funeral.
I know having shared this with a few others who have gone through similar surgery to me, some said they did the same and planned their funeral. others said they were too anxious and hated to think about not making it, so made no plans. I found it reassuring to know I wasn’t the only person who had thought about my own mortality pre open heart surgery, as to me, I was just being practical and alleviating the need for my husband to stress about having to plan this, if the worst happened. In an odd way I found it very calming.
As I’m still blogging 2 years on from my surgery, you will know I made it through my operation, so the funeral plan I put together have been filed away, and hopefully they won’t be needed for while!